Miso Delight
by NarutosBrat
Summary: Banished shortly after the Sasuke Retrieval incident, for crippling the Uchiha with the Rasengan, Naruto is called back by Tsunade ten years later. But what’s this, he has two people with him. Naruto has a daughter, and an apprentice?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I'm not Japanese, enough said.**

Naruto's new family

Naruto Uzumaki(24)- Tokubetsu Sannin level ninja (not a real level I know, but just gives you a sense of where Naruto is ability wise), sensei/older brother of Doki (through marriage), father of Kushina.

Chikaru Mishima(22)- Naruto's lover, and the mother of his daughter. Extremely beautiful, cheerful, sometimes overly giggly, but stern when needed. Had two main loves in life, her family and cooking. Life cut tragically short, when attacked by bandits. Pronounced She-car-oo

Doki Mishima(14)- He has unnaturally high chakra reserves. What is unknown about the boy, is his ancestry containing low level demon blood. He is a wind (split in two) type, as his natural affinity. His demon blood also gives him Earth (crumble) and a weak Fire (burn). Has greenish blue chakra, that has nothing to do with medicine.

Kushina Uzumaki(3)- The highly energetic, extremely adorable, and impossibly lovable daughter of Naruto. Has her mother's looks, but her father's hair and eye color. Has the combined Uzumaki and Mishima bloodlines.

http://images32 (.) fotosik (.) pl/129/381b294fef8ba820 (.) jpg Chikaru from story, just erase the parentheses, and spaces

**Miso Delight**

Love. Such a simple word for such a complex emotion. On the one hand, it could be the most wonderful, beautiful, and inspiring thing in the world; but then just as easily, it could be the most painful, devastating, and sinister thing in existence. As the twenty four year old man watched his young apprentice/little brother run his warm-up laps, he groaned at the direction his thoughts were taking him. Then again, given his experience with the concept, and what today was, he couldn't really help it. Naruto had been gracious enough to discover the wonders that love could bring; but he had also experienced the real heartache of it. Chikaru Mishima, she had been the perfect mix of all the girls he'd been close to, or had crushes on. Her eyes were an emerald green, even deeper than Sakura's had been. She had a full smile that made him think of his favorite ramen waitress. She was kind and shy, just like Hinata had been, and although he didn't know it, loved him much the same way as well. She had a body like his baachan's jutsu, that had given him a nosebleed the first time he saw her naked. She was amazingly beautiful in a way that disturbingly reminded him of Haku, and she was a great cook like Tsunami back in Wave. It had been a year to the day his love was murdered while he'd been out training with Doki. She'd died defending herself from bandits, by releasing her families devil gene. The benefit, is they can fight through any injury or wound even if it's fatal, the cost of this bloodline is that they'll feel it all at once when they release it. He'd found her in a blood splattered kitchen, with a short sword plunged into her stomach. It was kind of ironic that she should die in the place she loved the most. He then thought back to how he'd first met her. What had started as taking an interest in a kid who'd flunked out of the Militia Academy, turned into meeting the woman of his dreams.

Flashback Jutsu

He'd been in town a week, and so far he liked what he'd seen. They had a ramen shop, that while nothing compared to Ichiraku's, was still nothing to sneeze at. They had all the basic essentials a shinobi could ask for, though not as convenient as a shinobi village. They had a clothing store that could make shinobi gear if asked for, and a smithy that could forge kunai and shuriken, but they were a little more expensive, since they weren't common items. And while he had to go outside the village to really train, once he found a place of his own, he'd be able to create his own training field. As he was passing by the Militia Academy, he noticed a young boy out in a clearing punching and kicking clumsily at the training post. Curious as to what was going on, Naruto went over, and watched for a bit. After twenty minutes of the absolute worst demonstration of taijutsu abilities since himself at that age, Naruto decided to interrupt.

"Hey kid, are you sure you're doing that right?" Naruto asked.

"What do you care?" The boy asked, turning orange eyes on him.

"Well, it's just that you seem to be struggling with that style." Naruto asked. "Maybe it isn't right for you, and you should try something else."

"What would you know, you don't understand anything."

"Hey, I'm a ninja kid, I can tell when a style doesn't suit someone." Naruto said. The boy raised an eyebrow. Having decided on a pair of shorts and a tee shirt to combat the warm summer temperatures, Naruto knew he didn't look much like a ninja. "Spar with me, and I'll prove it."

The kid attacked like a bat out of hell. He was surprisingly quick, and had some oomph to his blows, but Naruto wasn't a ninja for nothing. He easily blocked or dodged the flailing boy's attacks with ease, and it only seemed to frustrate the lad further. Naruto was impressed with his physical abilities. Had he proper training, and been better at the taijutsu he was using, he would have been a formidable opponent. Deciding to take it easy on the kid, Naruto pulled his punches, but still landed several body blows, and soft taps to the head. It wasn't until the boy got off a particularly quick, hard shot to Naruto's chest, that Naruto decided to stop playing around. While he wasn't about to get serious, there was no more goofing off.

As the spar wore on, Naruto began a critique of the youngsters capabilities. Why that boy wanted to join the militia, Naruto didn't get. The kid certainly met the physical requirements for a Genin ninja; surpassed them actually. His strength, speed, agility and the like were great; hell, he'd peg him Chuunin in that respect, but his skill level was barely passing muster for a Genin. Naruto began making a catalogue of what the kid would need to be a true shinobi. Taijutsu was the first thing, but that was easy to come by. Oni no Kuni, or Demon Country's armed militia were well versed in certain shinobi aspects, but it was mostly using chakra to strengthen the body, and make it a more formidable weapon; things Ninja Academy brats learned in their first year. They'd developed a taijutsu style, that while adequate for even civilians to use against bandits, in the hands of a ninja, it could be absolutely deadly. Sadly, they had no ninja, and that would work against them in the case of an attack from a shinobi nation. Since the kid already knew the basics, and he'd made a note to try and learn the taijutsu style himself, that was something they could study together. He could teach the kid some Ninjutsu, but he himself wasn't all that well versed.

As per normality around Naruto, it just so happens that the Commander of the Militia, and the Academy Head, was entering his office. It could also just be coincidence, that his office window gave him a clear view of the training grounds. Now while the boy had no real skill to graduate from the academy, he was still a student, and as the head of the institution, he couldn't simply sit by while one of his students was attacked. Removing his jacket, he opened his window, and jump out. As the two young people, at least they were to him, both swung, he stepped in, and blocked the punch meant for his student, while Naruto blocked the kid's fist. Never taking his eyes off of Naruto, the older man firmly said.

"Back away Doki, I'll take care of this intruder." Addressing the intruder, he said. "I don't know who you are, but I don't take kindly to people attacking my students." Naruto got a confused look on his face, before he was forced to block a punch from the man. This was swiftly followed up with a kick, and a backhand, that came in rapid succession. This, Naruto knew, was what the style was truly capable of. If the kid, Doki, had been able to use it like this, then he'd have been in trouble. Naruto knew there was no choice but to get serious with this man. While he wouldn't fight him as he would an enemy, he wouldn't hold back. He would use all the force necessary to gently incapacitate this guy. Luckily, his shinobi training gave him an advantage, and he was able to adequately defend himself. After awhile, he realized just how serious the man was about hurting him, and decided to end the fight. Creating some distance with a Shunshin, Naruto called his chakra, and created several Shadow Clones. Just a minute longer, and he had the man pinned to the ground.

"Listen, I'm sorry about whatever you thought was going on, but it was just a simple spar." Naruto said. "I never had any intention of trying to hurt the kid." The man stopped struggling, and the clones disappeared.

"Then what do you want?" The man asked, getting to his feet.

"Actually, I was just watching him train, and I got a little curious about the style he was using."

"It's our personal military style." The man said.

"Cool, I was wondering if I could learn it." Naruto said eagerly. It was true, Naruto had never lost his excitement of learning new things.

"Are you planning to join the military?" The Academy Head asked. Naruto visibly deflated.

"No, but I'd be willing to trade information." The man raised an eyebrow. "I was a Leaf ninja until I was betrayed by corrupt council members. I've done a lot of traveling, and I'd be willing to teach you some things. Your style could easily overwhelm a normal militia, but it wouldn't do much against ninja without some supplemental training." The man gave Naruto a queer eye, before deciding that the young man had a point.

"I'm Commander Kishimoto; join me in my office, and we'll talk." The Commander turned to Doki. "You'd better get back to class, the graduation exams are going to be starting soon." With that, the man led Naruto to his office.

"Naruto Uzumaki, sir." Naruto replied as he followed.

888

Once they were seated, Kishimoto wasted no time quizzing Naruto on what he could teach him.

"Well, for one, I can teach you how shinobi use chakra. The way you use it now is rather good for civilians, but there's so much more you could do with it, especially with your fighting style. I can teach you how to mold and use chakra for some basic ninjutsu as well."

"Like?" The Commander asked.

"Well, the academy three, Bunshin, Kawarimi, and Henge." Naruto said. "Basically, clones, substitution, and transformation."

"Like what you did?" Kishimoto questioned.

"No, that's Shadow Clones, and that's a completely different jutsu. That requires a lot of chakra, and is dangerous, because it can kill you if done wrong."

"I see, what else?" Naruto got a thinking expression.

"Well, there's the Shunshin." Naruto said. "That thing I used to get some distance. It can also be used as a swift escape if done right. It really does go without saying, but you'll also need to learn the hand seals for ninjutsu." Naruto thought some more. "You'll need to also learn tree climbing, and water walking. Not only are they good for chakra control and building reserves, but you can use them for sneaking around as well."

"I'm not sure what you're talking about, but I don't think tree climbing will be of any real use." Kishimoto said, with a smirk. His smirk fell, when Naruto stood up, and walked up his wall, and stood on his ceiling. "And this water walking, will it let you..."

"Walk on water, yes." Naruto answered. "Plus, since you all use weapons, I think I have the perfect ninjutsu for you. It's a Fuuton jutsu called Kamaitachi. It let's you channel chakra to your weapons, and unleash wind blades to cut your opponents. I also have a Suiton jutsu that would be of some use to you."

"Is that all?" The Commander asked.

"Unfortunately yes. I don't have any Doton, Raiton, or Katon jutsu, and all the rest of my jutsu take up a lot of chakra."

"I'll have to think on this some." Kishimoto said. "Come see me in a few days, and I'll have your answer." Naruto nodded, and excused himself. Just before he left, he threw back.

"Even if you choose to deny me, I think I'll still write down the instructions for my end. Since I plan on living in Oni, I should at least contribute to its defense, ne." With a smile, Naruto left the building.

Stepping out into the afternoon sun, he noticed Doki sitting on the front steps. Just from the posture, Naruto knew that the boy had done poorly on his exams. The kid looked so much like himself when he'd failed his own exam, that Naruto couldn't stop the urge to want to help him. Walking over, Naruto sat down next to him.

"I take it you didn't do so well, huh." Naruto queried.

"You gonna make fun of me too." Doki asked.

"Nah, I know what it feels like." Doki looked at him in askance. "I failed the graduation exams at my old ninja academy three times." Naruto smiled at Doki's shocked look. "Hey, how about this? Since you failed at being a military man, how about I train you to be a ninja?"

"What makes you think I'd make a good ninja?" The boy asked. "I already failed at being in the military."

"Kid, you easily meet the physical requirements for Chuunin, and those are ninja squad leaders." Naruto revealed. "I can also sense that you have almost as much chakra as my old sensei had, and he's a Jounin, and they're the only ones allowed to train the rookie ninja." Doki smiled. "So, how about it?"

"You bet." Doki said with enthusiasm.

"Right, I'll meet you day after tomorrow, we'll start then." Naruto said. Frowning, Doki asked.

"Why not today?" Naruto turned, and gave him a foxy grin.

"Because, there's something that I'm going to need, and I have to make a trip to a shinobi village to get it. The closest place is Kiri, and that's at least four days travel, even for the fastest of ninja."

"But then how are you going to make it?" Doki asked, to which Naruto grinned.

"I've got an express transportation." Naruto said.

"Okay, meet me at my house then." Doki said. "My sister and I live in one of the three houses on the outskirts of the village. Head towards the forest path, and take the left most trail." Naruto nodded, and turned with a wave.

"I'll see you then." With that, he left the small village he was staying in. Once outside, he ran through some hand seals, and called. "Kuchiyose no Jutsu." He was launched into the air, as an orange frog with a vest appeared.

"Hey bro, what's up?" The frog asked.

"Hey Kichi, you think you can get me to Kiri and back in two days?"

"Why, you got a hot date?" Gamakichi asked.

"Nope, a student; and you do know that thinking of humans as hot is disturbing, right." The frog chuckled, then said.

"I don't discriminate." Naruto grimaced. "Besides, I'm just keeping my options open. Now hold on tight." With that, he gave a mighty leap, and they were on their way.

888

Naruto returned to the village on the day he was supposed to meet his new student. One may not think it, but riding a toad nonstop for nearly two days was exhausting. It reminded him of Gamabunta's test the first time he'd summoned him. Hopping down from Gamakichi's head, Naruto thanked his amphibious brother, before heading to his appointment. As he was passing the Military Academy, he saw the Headmaster outside speaking with some parents. When the couple left, he called over to Naruto.

"Uzumaki-san, I've decided to accept your offer." Reaching into his pocket, he pulled a scroll, and handed it over. "This is the instructions for our style. I would appreciate if you burned this when you were done." Naruto nodded. "Do you have time to give a demonstration to some of our staff of what we'll be getting in exchange?"

"I'm supposed to be meeting Doki to start his shinobi training today." Naruto then grinned. "But I think I can still help you." Calling on his chakra, a Kage Bunshin appeared right next to him. "This should do the trick." As the clone followed the Commander inside, Naruto picked up speed, and took off following the instructions he was given.

It took him a few minutes, but he finally made it to the path that led up to the Mishima home. When he got to the door, he knocked, and waited. A moment later, a young woman opened the door, and Naruto had to force his nose to keep from bleeding. There standing in the doorway was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen; it was practically love at first sight. What the blond didn't know, was that it went both ways. While modestly dressed in a blouse and skirt, they did very little to hid the wonderful curves of her body. With a blush to his cheeks, he said.

"I-I'm Doki's new t-teacher." The woman gave him a radiant smile.

"So you're the one he's been so excited about." Naruto nodded. "He'll be ready in a bit, won't you come in?" Blushing harder, Naruto followed the woman inside, and suddenly found his eyes glued to her rotund backside. The way her hips naturally swayed, and the way her rear bounced, jiggled, and moved, Naruto couldn't take his eyes away. "Would you like some tea...or me?" Naruto's head snapped up at that.

"What?!" He asked shocked. The woman turned, and giggled at him, causing her very large breasts to bounce wonderfully.

"I asked if you'd like some tea." She replied.

"Thank you, um..." Naruto paused.

"Chikaru, my name is Chikaru." She said. "What made you want to train Doki, if I may ask?"

"Well, he reminded me of myself at that age." Naruto explained. While she looked rather young to have a ten year old child, he remembered that Tsunami looked much younger than she really was. "I think, with some training, your son would make a fine ninja." Naruto's words caused her to giggle again, which again did nice things to her wonderful bust.

"Doki isn't my son, he's my little brother." She said. "I'm only nineteen, he's ten, so he couldn't possibly be mine. Besides, I've never been with a man before." She said blushing.

"Me neither," The woman looked at him in askance. "I mean, I've never done...anything...like that...before. I'm not interested in guys." Smiling, she said.

"That's good." Before the conversation could go any further, they were joined by an energetic Doki.

"Naruto-sensei, you're here." He exclaimed. "Does this mean we're gonna start today?"

"Yep, you ready to go?" Chikaru gave her brother a stern look.

"Not before you've had something to eat." Pointing her finger to a chair, she said. "Sit." Doki sat. Chikaru then turned softer eyes, and a smile to Naruto. "Would you like something as well?"

"I don't want to impose." Naruto said. Smiling, Chikaru replied.

"It's no problem, I love to cook actually." She gave a happy sigh. "It always soothes me, and it'd be nice to cook for someone other than this lutz."

"She entertains fantasies of cooking for a husband someday." Doki whispered when his sister left for the kitchen. The two could here her singing in the kitchen. "Only problem is, she rarely leaves the house, so she doesn't get the chance to meet guys." Naruto couldn't help but be glad of that. When Chikaru came back, the three shared a meal, and soon it was time for Doki's training to begin.

888

Once they were outside in the backyard, Naruto reached into a pouch on his flak jacket, and pulled out a slip of paper.

"Dealing with an extremely paranoid shinobi village was a severe bitch, so you'd better appreciate this." Doki actually smiled at that. "First things first, I need you to channel some channel some chakra into this piece of paper.

"What's this for?" Doki asked.

"This is to tell me what chakra nature you are. This will tell me what kind of Ninjutsu you're strongest with." He said, to a confused Doki. "We won't be doing that until we get proficient with this village's hand to hand style. That'll give me some time to find some more, and better jutsu to teach you. Don't worry though, if my feelings about you are correct, I have something that might help you out." Doki shrugged, and channeled some chakra into the paper. For a moment nothing happened, then suddenly, the slip of paper split in two. Naruto smiled. He was about to tell the lad to stop when something else happened. The slip on the right suddenly ignited, and half of it burned to ash, while the other slip crumbled to dust. Naruto groaned, earning a fearful look from his student.

"Is that bad sensei?" Doki asked.

"No, not really. It is for me, because it just proves that weird shit always happens around me. It's good for you, because you have three elemental types." Naruto grinned. "While it's not uncommon for ninja to have multiple elements, it's mostly Jounin who have trained themselves in extra elements; it's almost unheard of for someone untrained, and even more for someone to have a natural affinity to more than one." '_Let's see, he's got a strong wind and earth affinity. Judging from the fact that only half of the other sheet ignited, his Fire affinity is weak, and will probably have to be used in combo with his other two affinities._' Deciding his next course of action for the time being, Naruto addressed his new student. "Before we really get started today, I have a gift for you." Naruto handed the boy a scroll. Doki opened it, and was surprised to find the details of Kage Bunshin no Jutsu. "I want you to learn that first. Trust me when I say, you'll like the advantages." Naruto then went, and sat down by a tree to relax, and study the taijutsu scroll he'd been given.

888

Naruto's assessment of his student was spot on. He did have a gift with Ninjutsu, his learning the Kage Bunshin was a testament to that. It had taken him the rest of the day to get it right, but he'd gotten it. Given his student's affinity for Ninjutsu, Doki should be able to learn many of his techniques even faster than he did. Naruto opened his eyes when he felt three figures approaching him.

"Two clones, that's impressive." Naruto said.

"So what's the big advantage, other than extra numbers?" Naruto smiled at his student's question. Taking one of the clones, he pulled it away, and whispered into its ear, before dispelling it.

"Hey, screw you, I'm not an idiot." Doki yelled.

"How did you know I said that?" Naruto asked.

"You just told me, bastard." Doki replied.

"No, I told your clone." Doki's eyes went wide.

"You mean," The boy asked. When Naruto nodded, he grinned. "That's awesome, now I can learn stuff easily." Naruto then got a serious face.

"I don't want you to think of this as a shortcut." Naruto lectured. "Learn the technique the hard way, then use Kage Bunshin to further master it. You'll gain a better understanding of what you're learning, and when you succeed it'll be much more fulfilling an accomplishment. Your homework for tonight, is for you to practice the tree climbing exercise, the instructions are on the back. Tomorrow, we'll start the tough stuff." Doki nodded, before getting an unsure look on his face.

"Hey Naruto-sensei, do you really think I can become a good shinobi?" Naruto gave him his foxy grin.

"Most definitely." Naruto then escorted Doki back into the house, where Chikaru invited him to stay for dinner. Given how good the other meal was, Naruto had no trouble agreeing.

"So, where are you staying?" Chikaru asked, as they ate.

"At the inn near the Military Academy." Naruto answered, before taking a bite.

"That's a rather long ways away, would you like to stay with us?" Both Naruto and Doki stared at her after that. "Well, it's just, you're helping Doki, so I figure we could do something to repay you for that. Not to mention, it would give you more time to train if you didn't have to make that commute every day, and we have plenty of room." She then blushed. "Besides, it gives me an excuse to cook more, and I do love to cook." Grinning, Doki said.

"You might as well, she's gonna keep asking you every day until you say yes." Naruto looked at the woman, who gave him a firm nod. Smiling, Naruto agreed. After a quick trip to town, Naruto was shown to a room, the one right across from Chikaru's.

Flashback End

Barely six months later, he was sharing a room with Chikaru, and losing his virginity. A couple of years after Naruto and Doki got into a routine of sorts, it was thrown off kilter by the appearance of the world's biggest lecher. To be honest, Jaraiya, or Ero-Sennin as he secretly preferred being called, was one of three people from Konoha that Naruto was happy to have visit; Iruka and Tsunade were the other two, but neither could just up and leave given their positions. The first thing he'd done, was bitch about how hard Naruto had been to find, and that Naruto had somehow evaded even his spy network. After that, he took great joy in busting on Naruto about whether he and the hot woman were together. After getting a triple team thrashing, he asked Naruto what he'd been up to besides getting laid.

Naruto explained how he'd spent the first three years perfecting the skills he knew, and learning to control the fox's chakra. That guy from Kumo was pretty cool, though the rhyming thing did get annoying after awhile. It was a shame they were so secretive about their village's techniques, he'd have loved to learn some. Instead, he was forced to pick up things along the way. His decision to visit Gaara, and learn some Fuuton jutsu from Wind Country, had been very fortunate. Running into his old team in Suna had been interesting, but sad when they were forced to part ways. The next four years had been spent wandering, and trying to learn as much as he could, before settling in Oni, where he'd spent the past two years. In the end, he had a picked up few wind justu, a couple low and one high rank water jutsu, the body flicker, and a special surprise using his Kage Bunshin. That visit from Ero-Sennin was great fun, but he'd only gotten four ninjutsu out of him, the rest of the year long visit was spent on seals. While not as cool as ninjutsu, Fuinjutsu was still awesome in its own way. He'd also learned how to create his own jutsu, and had created a few jutsu of his own. His proudest moment, though, was when Doki had started creating his own techniques. Pervert though he may be, you could never deny that he was a good teacher when he was motivated to (and for a lecher like him, getting a flash of Tsunade sized boobs was plenty motivation). In the year he was with them, he'd taken Doki to just above Chuunin level, and Naruto himself well past Jounin, almost near the old sage himself.

"Niisan, I'm done with my warm-ups." Doki said, bringing him out of his wandering thoughts. Naruto nodded and they headed out to the forest. Almost as soon as they'd arrived at the clearing they used to practice now, Naruto was forced to dodge a massive sword.

"Hey Kisame, been awhile, hasn't it." Said man grinned his shark like grin, and replied.

"Yep, you've grown up." He said, impressed. "Even got yourself a student, I see."

"I take it Itachi is finally gonna let you chop off a few limbs." Kisame grinned wider at that. "Doki, stay out of this."

"Hai, niisan." Doki took to the trees to watch.

"Shall we, old man." Naruto asked.

"You know, it's a shame you've got a biju." Kisame said, unwrapping Sameheda. "I always liked running into you, it was fun."

"Tch, I probably would have filled out an application if I didn't have to worry about getting captured." Naruto retorted.

"Well, time for talk is over, I got other things to do." With that, the two ninja got it on.

888

As Itachi entered the clearing where he had sensed the fighting, he was shocked to find Kisame's corpse lying on the ground.

"So, you killed Kisame, how unfortunate." Itachi said, no emotion on his face.

"Yeah, but don't think for a moment that you're going to take me that easily." Naruto said, dropping to the ground behind him, swiftly putting a kunai to his throat.

"It would seem we have greatly underestimated your growth potential." Itachi said. "Fine, do what you must." The fatalistic way that he'd said it brought Naruto up short. With a quick Shunshin, he was standing ten feet in front of Itachi.

"No, I want some answers first." Itachi raised an emotionless eyebrow. "Something has been bugging me since I met you." Naruto revealed. "You say your purpose is to capture me, yet you've made no real attempt to do so. You've gone through the motions of trying to capture, true, but you haven't really tried." Itachi, for the first time in years, smiled.

"Figured that out, have you?" He asked. "May I ask what gave me away?"

"It took me awhile, but I began to notice things." Naruto explained. "The first time, at that hotel, you spent an unusually long time talking to me. Had you really wanted to take me, you could have easily knocked me out with a Genjutsu or beat me senseless the same way you did Sasuke, and left before Ero-Sennin even showed up. Even still, you and Kisame could have taken him then. Instead of using it to escape, you could have captured him in, or blocked him off with, Amaterasu, and been done with it. Then there was the thing with Gaara. With just me, Kakashi, Sakura, and Chiyo-baa, it wouldn't have been to hard. Create a pair of Kage Bunshin, one to keep the ladies busy, one to keep Kakashi busy, and one to take me. That Genjutsu you put me in would have knocked me out, had it had the chance to, and you could have easily made off with me while the others stalled. You could have had both me and Gaara all in one go. And even now, not only did you allow me to fight Kisame one on one, when you could have double teamed me, but you have me trapped in a Genjutsu. If you really intended to capture me, you would have done so by now. What I want to know, is why?"

"The truth is, I was on an S-rank mission to infiltrate the Akatsuki." Itachi said. "My mission was two fold, to find out what they were really up to, and to stall your capture as long as possible. I have come to warn you, this will be my last attempt on you. The leader of our organization will come for you next. Stay on your guard, he's the leader for a reason. Now I must go, I have a destiny to die by Sasuke's hand."

"Do you really think he can beat you?" Itachi remained stoic, but gave a painful answer.

"No, but as you said, I'm good at going through the motions." Itachi then drew a kunai, and slashed his palm. "Before I go, I have one last gift for you." Faster than Naruto could see, Itachi swiped at Naruto, splashing blood in his eyes, and began doing rapid hand seals. As soon as he finished, Naruto's eyes began to develop a searing pain. "I just hope you never have to use it." With that, the Genjutsu was lifted, and he was gone. While Naruto could still feel some irritation in his eyes, it was nothing like the pain of before. A second later, Doki dropped down from the trees.

"What was that, nii-san?" He asked.

"Just an old friend, with some information." He replied, picking up Kisame's sword, and sealing it in with his Giant Fuuma and Windmill Shuriken. "Let's head back home." All the while, Naruto kept thinking, '_Could this day possibly get any worse?_' He would know the answer to that question, upon his arrival.

888

As Naruto and Doki neared the home they shared, Naruto froze.

"What is it nii-san?" Doki asked. Naruto shivered.

"My pervert sense is going crazy." Doki grinned at that. His nii-san hadn't said that since Ero-Sennin visited, and he hoped it was him again. As the two entered the gate, he felt the tension pick up in the air. There, standing on their porch, was a scarecrow looking man, with silver hair that defied gravity. His clothing was what Naruto would describe as typical Jounin ninja. The only thing that distinguished him, was his hair, and the ninja headband pulled down over his left eye.

Naruto was not happy to see his former sensei. It wasn't anything personal, but he was opposed to seeing anyone from Konoha, aside from a certain three. Even after twelve years, he was still sore about being banished for doing his job. What's more, he got banished for crippling Sasuke with the Rasengan, yet the Council, led by that one armed mummy, so conveniently overlooked the fact that Sasuke used the Chidori to put his hand through his chest. Useless bastards, all of them.

"Hello Naruto, long time no see." Kakashi said, putting away his book. "You know, you were a very hard person to find. It even took Jiraiya several years to find you."

"That was the point of going so far away from Konoha." Naruto said. Seeing this was going downhill already, Kakashi tried a different approach.

"Well, it's good to see you again." Kakashi said.

"I wish I could say the same thing." Naruto replied. "Nothing personal, you understand."

"Perfectly well," Kakashi started. "They had no right, or authority to banish you." Giving an eye smile, he added. "Which is actually why I'm here. Tsunade sent me to find you, and bring you back."

"What makes you think I want to come back?" Naruto asked.

"I thought you'd be glad for the chance to come home." Kakashi said.

"I am home you one eyed pervert." Naruto said. "Had you said something the last time I saw you, or even come for me five years ago, I might have considered it, but now I'd rather let the Akatsuki capture me." Kakashi visibly winced at that. Finally realizing that he was out of peaceful options, Kakashi lifted his hitai-ate.

"Our orders are to bring you back. I didn't want to have to resort to this, but I will if necessary." Naruto gave him a foxy grin.

"What makes you think that you can?" Naruto asked. "I'm not that little brat you neglected as a Genin." Naruto was startled when a lazy voice behind him said.

"Kage Mane, success." Kakashi smirked.

"Good job Shikamaru, what about the kid?" He asked.

"Chouji and Sakura have him." The lazy rookie Jounin said. At that moment, the two named Jounin came up, holding a struggling Doki.

"You see Naruto, we came prepared." Kakashi said. "We knew you had great potential, just from how much you improved before you left, and we compensated for it." He was shocked when Naruto smirked. Then, to the shock of all, both of their prisoners disappeared in a puff of smoke.

"Obviously, you didn't compensate enough." Came a voice from on top of the roof. The group turned to see Naruto, with the young man, and a bloody, unconscious Ino slung over his shoulder. "Now, how about we talk like civilized folk?"

"What did you do to her?" Sakura yelled.

"Nothing, I just tested out the version of my Sexy Jutsu." Naruto said. "This one is designed to take out female perverts. As Ino here proved, it works."

"I told you it would take more than two teams." Shikamaru said. "So troublesome."

"Now just why the hell do you want me to come back so badly?" Naruto asked. "Are your people in charge realizing just how stupid they were? Did they finally figure out that without the threat of a Jinchuuriki, other villages wouldn't be so fearful of attacking them?" Naruto smirked at the shocked looks on their faces. "Yes, I've heard things even while on the move; especially when you have emissaries from other villages who heard about my banishment, and were trying to recruit me. Some, like Orochimaru, actually thought they could win me over with some whacked out scheme to get revenge." Noticing the fearful looks, he grinned. "Don't worry, I told them no, although some people don't take rejection very well. I can honestly sympathize with you kunoichi; some people just don't understand that no means no." He got a snort of laughter from his little brother at that, a chuckle from Chouji, and an eye smile from Kakashi.

"Please Naruto, we really need you to come back with us." Sakura pleaded. "We'll do _anything_." Naruto inwardly laughed at her tone. Just a few years ago, hearing that from her would have given him a big enough woody to tear his pants.

"Judging from the way you emphasized that last word, I'm led to believe that you've learned to utilize a kunoichi's greatest weapon. This in turn, means that you'd be willing, however reluctant and disgusted you'd be, to seduce me for my cooperation." Naruto leered at Sakura, causing her to wilt. "I must admit, I had many a dream and fantasy of sharing an intimate moment with you Sakura; and Ino here would make a prime specimen to break my little bro in..." Doki blushed to the roots of his red hair. "Luckily, and unfortunately, for you, I've long since outgrown my crush on you; although I'm sure Doki wouldn't mind taking you up on that offer."

"Hey, stop picking on me, nii-san." Doki said pouting. The group looked surprised at that.

"Don't look so surprised," Naruto started. "Regardless of how beautiful Sakura has become, I haven't seen her in nine years. Besides, I figured that you'd be with your precious Sasuke." Naruto rolled his eyes.

"Sasuke has gone rogue...again." Kakashi said, harshly.

"Not surprising, he always was a one idea at a time moron." Naruto said. "Don't get me wrong, you're hot Sakura, and I wouldn't even mind taking a shot with Ino, but I'm far from the blushing little virgin you once knew."

"Y-you've had sex." Sakura questioned, sounding slightly worried. He also detected a hint of jealousy, but he could have been mistaken.

"Sakura, I'm a twenty-four year old man, it had to happen sometime." He said, rolling his eyes. "What, did you come here expecting me to cave at the chance to have Sakura be my first?" When he caught some bashful looks, Naruto groaned. "Oh you have got to be kidding me. I can't..." What ever he was about to say, was cut off, as a dozen tigers made of ink attacked him. Naruto made quick work of them, before turning back to Kakashi. "What the hell is going on, Kakashi?" Suddenly, a young man dressed in black appeared on the roof.

"Naruto Uzumaki, I am here to take your life, as per my orders." The man said.

"Sai, what are you doing?" Kakashi yelled. "We were told to bring him back alive and mostly unharmed."

"I have secondary orders from my master to terminate the demon on sight." The man named Sai, said.

"Now you see why I don't want to return. How can I trust a village who has ninja who takes orders from anyone but the Hokage?" Taking a better look at the man, Naruto said. "You must be one of Danzo's dried up roots."

"How do you?" Sai started.

"Your master is an arrogant fool, full of his own self-importance." Naruto said. "The bastard actually had the nerve to try and recruit me for his underground organization, after he spearheaded the motion to banish me."

"It matters not, I have my orders, and I will carry them out." Sai said with no emotion.

"Doki, take our guests inside, while I take care of this reject Sasuke clone." Naruto said, handing him Ino. Shrugging, Doki hopped off of the roof, and escorted the group inside.

888

Less than five minutes after the group went inside, Naruto joined them tossing a scroll up and down.

"Still as poorly trained as they ever were." Naruto said.

"It took you awhile for him to be so poorly trained." Kakashi said.

"It took me five minutes, and four and a half of those was drawing the storage and preservation seal." Naruto replied, earning a shocked look. "I guess the paranoid bastard doesn't want any of them getting too good that they'd pose a threat to him." Naruto then sat in his chair. "So, give me one good reason why I should come back."

"Because hime needs you." A new voice said. The group, as one, turned to find Jiraiya exiting the bathroom.

"Ero-Sennin!" Naruto called. "I knew my pervert sense was going off for a reason." Jiraiya grinned, before sitting at the table, in his chair. "Now what were you saying?"

"I'd like to know what you're doing here?" Kakashi asked.

"Tsunade had a feeling that you'd fail, so she sent me as a contingency plan." He said. "As for what I was saying, Tsunade needs you." He explained. "Try as they might, the Council tried to hide your banishment by telling Gaara that you were on a training mission with me every time he asked to see you. Unfortunately for them, and Konoha it seems, Tsunade told him the truth. Gaara, as the Kazekage, was supposed to be coming to re-negotiate the treaty between our villages, since relations were good, instead of the hostile feelings after the attack." Naruto nodded his understanding. "Ever since he heard about what happened to you, he's been threatening to back out of our alliance because of what they did to you. Given what happened when Gaara was captured by the Akatsuki, he has the full support of his village and council."

"Let me guess, the only way he goes through with the treaty, is if I'm there." Jiraiya nodded. "I feel all important now." Naruto joked.

"Oh please, you just keep getting lucky when you meet people." Doki said. "For some reason you have an uncanny ability to leave lasting good impressions on people."

"Yep, that's how I got your sister." Naruto said, causing Doki to shudder.

"Don't remind me." Doki said. "I never knew she could be that loud until you two started sharing a room." Grinning, Naruto turned back to the Konoha group. He stared at them critically for a moment, before making a decision.

"All right, fine, I'll go with you." Naruto said finally. "But only because I want to see baachan, Iruka, and Gaara again. Do not expect me to stay."

"Right, we should get going right away." Kakashi said, trying to regain some semblance of control.

"No." Jiraiya smirked at Naruto's answer.

"Listen Naruto, you may have been gone for over a decade, but I still outrank you." Kakashi stated.

"You seem to be under the impression that I'm a Leaf shinobi, Kakashi." Naruto said. "I ceased to be a Konoha citizen when I was banished, so you have zero jurisdiction over me. If you try to force the issue, just remember, that I am far from rusty, and my summons are much bigger than yours."

"If I'm not mistaken, Jiraiya is the current holder of the Toad Contract." Kakashi said smugly.

"Maybe so, but they like me better." Naruto said. When the group turned to the Toad Sage, he just shrugged. It was true after all. "Besides, I'm still waiting on someone, and I refuse to leave without her."

"Her?" Sakura asked. "Wh-who is she?" The Jounin asked, fearfully. She'd been hoping that maybe she and Naruto could piece together their friendship, and maybe take it further ever since she was informed of the mission.

"She's the love of my life." Naruto answered. Before anymore questions were asked, Naruto said. "You'll see when she gets here."

Standing, Naruto left to go pack his things, while Doki did the same. Once he had, he reentered the room, just as a knock sounded on the door. Doki went to the door, and stood off to the side. When Naruto gave the signal, he pulled the door open wide.

"DADDY!!!" They all heard, before a blur shot through the room, and into Naruto's arms. Everyone but Jiraiya, Doki, and the woman standing in the doorway looked on in complete shock, as a small child in a blue jumpsuit, with golden curls wrapped her arms around Naruto's neck, and began blabbing about her day.

"So I take it you had fun with Mitsu-san?" The girl nodded enthusiastically. "And you weren't any trouble?"

"She was perfectly fine, if not a bit over enthusiastic." The woman named Mitsu said.

"Thank you for taking her," Naruto said. "I just felt something off about today, and wanted her away from any danger."

"Is everything all right now?" Naruto nodded at the woman's question while playing with his daughter. "Well, you know where we are if you need us again. Kenshin and I loved having her, and Yoshi enjoyed having someone to play with for a change."

"Naruto, what happened?" Jiraiya asked.

"I got a visit from old red eyes, and the walking sushi today." Naruto replied. "Kisame is still out in the forest decomposing, although I think the animals might have found him by now. Itachi just warned me that the Leader was coming next."

"You mean?" Naruto nodded at Jiraiya.

"Yep, Itachi is still one of the good guys." Naruto answered. "Too bad he's got this fatalistic wish to let Sasuke kill him. I'd rather have him in the world, than Broody McBroodalot."

"Naruto?" Sakura finally spoke up. "She called you daddy; is that?"

"Yes, she's my daughter. Her name is Kushina, and she's named after her grandmother." Naruto answered. "Her mother, Chikaru, died a year ago, and she's become the most important thing in the world to me. Doki is a distant second." Naruto said grinning at the young man.

"Way to show the love, niisan." He droned. Taking his daughter, who was hoisted on his hip, to her room, he said.

"Come on sweet, let's get some things packed for you." He said. "We're going on a trip."

"Where we goin?" They heard her ask.

"We're going to visit where daddy was born." The girl adorned a smile that was strikingly familiar.

"We see baachan?" She asked, as they disappeared down the hall.

"Yep, we're going to see baachan." Naruto replied.

"Oh, I'm definitely gonna have to be there for that meeting." Jiraiya said. Naruto made sure to take his time getting Kushina ready, and when they finally reemerged, Kakashi looked to be highly frustrated.

"Well, let's head out then." After they had exited the front door, Naruto ran through some seals, and activated the protection seal on his home. Pulling his daughter onto his back, he said. "Let's move." The journey to Konoha had begun.

888

So what do you think of this so far? This will be one of the longer shots, given the back story, and the fact that Naruto hasn't been in Konoha for over ten years.

**IMPORTANT!!!**

I probably should have mentioned this last time, but in each review room for each story, is a case where you can pick up your free copy of the full Icha Icha novels. Just enter the code on your review stub, the one you were given as you entered the room, and it will grant you access to the case.

Translation: The novels don't really exist, they're like happy little cyber cookies. Really people, I don't have the time to write full novels like that. I'm in college, and there's barely enough time in the day for that stuff. Besides, if I were to write full novels, then there'd be several smut free chapters first.

Also, if you feel any of the oneshots I've written would make a good story, then by all means feel free to continue it. Just let me know if you do, I'd like to see where you take it. I, however, will not be continuing any of these stories. They are oneshots to me, and once finished, I will move on from the plotline, never to return. So I wouldn't advise putting a story alert on any of my Icha Icha series, because most of the time there won't be anything to alert. I'll let you know in one of the author notes it there is.

Also, for those wondering why Icha Icha: Snakes of Another Sort Volume II came out before Volume I (starring Anko), the reasons are twofold...

1. I don't bind myself to the normal rules of a series in many cases

2. Volume II just so happened to be ready for post before Volume I

I also decided to give you a technique list, so that you know what he's learned. The moves in bold are techniques from the movies or fillers that have do not occur in the timeline given Naruto's banishment, these are things that Naruto created during his time away. The ones in bold and italics are moves that I created. Feel free to use them if you like them, a nod of credit is all I as.

Naruto

Fuuton: Rasen Shuriken

Kage Bunshin

Oiroke

Rasengan

Fuuton: Rasengan

Sennen Goroshi

Tajuu Kage Bunshin

Toad Kuchiyose

Kamaitachi - Cutting Whirlwind

Daitoppa - Great Breakthrough

Endan - Fireball

Gamaguchi Shibari - Toad Mouth Binding

**Goukuuhou - Great Air Cannon**

Kaze no Yaiba - Sword of Wind

Kirigakure no Jutsu - Hidden Mist Technique

**Mizu Kamikiri - Rising Water Cutter**

Mizurappa - Violent Water Wave

Renkuudan - Drilling Air Projectile

Shuriken Kage Bunshin no Jutsu - Shuriken Shadow Clone Technique

Suiryuudan no Jutsu - Water Dragon Projectile Technique

Teppoudama - Bullet

Yomi Numa - Swamp of the Underworld

Bunshin Bakuha - Shadow Clone Explosion

Shunshin- Body Flicker

Shikyaku: Biju Henge- Beast Mimicry: Tailed Beast Transformation

Doki

Kage Bunshin

Oiroke

Rasengan

Shunshin

Sennin Goroshi

Shuriken Kage Bunshin no Jutsu

Gama Kuchiyose

Endan

Kamaitachi

Yomi Numa

**Hibashiri - Running Fire**

_**Ninpou: Doton Gou**_- Secret Art: Earth Power- The user makes the ground under the foe erupt like a mini volcano.

_**Doton: Fissure**_- The user slams chakra covered hands into the ground, and opens up a fissure in the ground that swallows the opponent.

Now I'm going to take a moment to rant. This particular rant is in response to all of those 'Shizune is Naruto's mother' stories, that follow canon so closely as to have Naruto grow up the exact same way, or have her give him up. The first problem I have, is that she would have been fifteen when she gave birth to Naruto, not really impossible, but I doubt Minato liked them that young. Besides, he was probably seeing Kushina by then. Second, is that she had already left the village at the age of thirteen with Tsunade. If you want to dispute it, then ask yourself, when did Tsunade leave? Well before Naruto was born, that's for sure; at least fifteen years before the start of the series. Anyway, let's just pretend that somehow, she were to get pregnant by him, let's say via a freak accident involving tons of sake, if she leaves with Tsunade, then, Naruto wouldn't have been born in Konoha. In the off chance that she decided to come back to have Naruto, then that would mean that she dies, so no Shizune in Naruto which kills many of those plotlines right away. Even if she didn't die, I can't see her as the type to give up her child, and I doubt Tsunade would let her. Then, you'd have to think, would Tsunade allow her apprentice's son to grow up alone and hated in Konoha, hell no. She would have either left with him, or raised him herself. Thus killing any chance Naruto grows up unloved. Really people, I'm all for changing things to suit your fics, and that you can do what you want, but please try to make it believable. I mean really, I just couldn't see Minato Namikaze getting a thirteen year old girl, a girl whose barely older than his own students, pregnant.


	2. Homeward Bound

**Disclaimer: The owner of Naruto is Japanese, I'm not, nuff said.**

**Chapter 2**

**Homeward Bound**

After a ride to Sea Country, where the group was attacked by a 'sea monster', and Naruto ended up in a confrontation with a mad scientist, and two bastards he hadn't seen since the Chuunin Exams over a decade ago, they hopped a boat to Tea Country. Another day of travel, the pace slow due to the small child in tow, and they finally reached the borders of Fire Country. Almost as soon as the group stepped foot in Hi no Kuni, Naruto had an uneasy feeling. Odd thing was, it had nothing to do with his impending return to Konoha.

"Everyone, be on your guard." Naruto said suddenly. "I've got a bad feeling."

"Are bad people coming daddy?" Kushina asked. Smiling at the girl, Naruto nodded.

"I think so baby, but don't worry." He replied. "Doki, Ero-Sennin, and daddy are going to make sure nothing happens to you, okay." The three year old gave him a thousand watt smile, and nodded. The others couldn't help but be impressed with Naruto's parenting. They'd have never thought the goofball they knew could turn out so well. Both Sakura and Ino were kicking themselves for overlooking him before. Sakura especially, was wondering how differently her life would have been had she chosen to give Naruto a chance, instead of fawning over Sasuke.

Twenty minutes from Tanzaku Gai by tree top, just over an hour on foot, as they were passing through a fairly large clearing, Naruto stopped. Looking around with his eyes in a glare, Naruto let his nose take over. Scenting out the two in hiding, Naruto spoke loudly.

"You two may as well come out, I can smell you." He revealed. "One of you smells like old blood, and the other smells like dead flesh." Two tall men step out of the shadows of the trees.

"Very astute of you, brat." Kakuzu said. "Only one other ninja has been able to scent us out before, and she like you was a Jinchuuriki."

"Yeah, that damn cat was a real handful." Hidan said. "Bitch cut my head off, and I had to have it sewed back on." Naruto glared at the two.

"You mind watching your language, there are innocent ears here." Naruto said, before taking a better look at them. "Hmm, one with a three bladed scythe, and the other just looks creepy." Naruto said. "You must be Hidan and Kakuzu, the so called immortals." Naruto grinned.

"So you've heard of us, huh." Hidan said. "I knew our reputation was getting around."

"Um, yeah, about that," Naruto said, scratching the back of his head. "I don't think I'd want to be bragging about some of the stuff I've heard."

"What the fuck?" Hidan said. Growling, Naruto shouted.

"Hey, I said watch your language moron." All the while, Kushina was giggling at her daddy's antics. Turning to Doki, he asked. "Who do you want Doki?"

"I'll take the foul mouth guy with the scythe." Doki said. "That thing is boss, and I think it'll make me look cool."

"You'll have to take it from me brat." Hidan said, twirling his blade.

"Gladly," Doki replied. Naruto rolled his eyes.

"Ero-Sennin, get Kushina out of here." Naruto said to his mentor. "Take her on ahead to Tanzaku."

"Uh, Naruto, wouldn't it be better if I helped, being the most skilled, and one of the most powerful in the group."

"It would, but you're the only other person here that I trust her safety to." Naruto said. The Konoha nin felt a little offended that Naruto didn't trust his daughter with any of them, but couldn't really fault him for it, given the situation. "Besides, you're not going to be around forever, us youngsters will never learn if you old goats keep fighting our battles for us." Pulling his daughter from his shoulders, he looks her straight in the eye. "Kushina, I need you to go with Ero-Sennin for a bit, while daddy talks to the bad men."

"Are they going into time out, daddy?" She asked, to the amusement of the others.

"Yep, they've been very bad, so daddy has to give them a spanking too." Kushina giggled at that.

"Right, come on munchkin." Jiraiya said, taking Kushina. "Your daddy has some butt to kick, and we don't want to get in the way." Grinning, Kushina hopped onto his back.

"Bye bye daddy," She said waving. "Bye bye bad men; sorry you have to go in time out." Jiraiya leapt into the trees, and was soon gone.

"Cute kid," Hidan said. "Too bad I'm going to have to kill her father." Naruto smirked.

"Not likely, but you can try." Naruto said, then rethought the man's statement. "Wait a sec, I thought you were supposed to capture me." Naruto felt a sudden presence behind him, and a pair of strong arms wrap around him. '_Shit, this bastard is fast._' Naruto thought.

"Once we have extracted your demon, Kyuubi child, you will be dead." Kakuzu said. "So he was technically right." Just then, Hidan threw his scythe at Naruto. Smirking, Naruto slammed his head back into Kakuzu's chest, loosening his hold enough to mostly dodge the scythe. Just when he thought the blade passed by him, he felt a cut where it had nicked him. "Damn it, watch where you're throwing that thing, one of those blades hit me. Just because I can't die doesn't mean it hurts any less." Kakuzu had let go to avoid the scythe.

"Oh quit being a pussy." Hidan said, licking the blood from the first blade. "Besides, I have his blood, so he's already taken care of."

"Fuck you, you bastard masochist." Kakuzu replied. "Not everyone gets off on pain like you do." Grinning, Naruto added his two yen.

"I take it you two don't like each other much."

"Are we that obvious?" The creepy bastard said, before attacking again. It soon became obvious that despite their hatred of each other, they still worked well together.

"Naruto, as long as these two are together, then we'll never be able to beat them." Kakashi said. "We need to separate them."

"Right, Doki, think you can handle Hidan?" The young man nodded. Doki activated his bloodline, attacking mercilessly, and the two disappeared into the foliage.

"Shikamaru, Sakura, go with him." The two ninja took off in the direction the other two had gone. "Do you think that was wise?" Naruto nodded.

"Yeah, Doki's a fast little bastard; he can keep up with me and Ero-Sennin going all out, so he's at least faster than you." Naruto explained, earning a glare from Kakashi. "Against Kakuzu, he wouldn't do too well, but Hidan is a powerhouse. His speed is rather lacking compared to others of our level; I'd peg him about low to mid Jounin, nothing you couldn't handle knowing what he's capable of. Not knowing what he can do is what makes him so hard to fight."

"Well deduced, but the boy will still die." The other Akatsuki stated. "Hidan may be slow, but his near invulnerability makes up for that."

"So does Doki's bloodline." Naruto said. "Now, less talk, more fight."

"Very well."

888

Meanwhile, Doki was launching his attack on Hidan. The Akatsuki member admitted he was caught off guard by the brat's speed, but that was done with now. Using his scythe, he was able to keep the boy at a distance, and that's where his advantage came in. Unfortunately, his advantage was short lived, as the boy was agile enough to still get a few potshots in on him. '_He's fast, and his taijutsu is also amazingly fluid, allowing him to defend himself even off balance. Looks like I'm going to have to get serious; at least Jashin-sama will receive another sacrifice._' Gripping the rope connected to his scythe, Hidan dodged a punch aimed at his throat, and swung. Doki did a back-flip, to dodge, but the man wasn't finished. Releasing the his grip on the handle, he swung the blade in a much wider arc. Seeing the blade still within range, Doki dropped into a split under the blades, before rolling backwards out of range.

"Gotcha now brat." Hidan said. "How you gonna fight me if you can't get close?" Smirking, Doki ran through two seals.

"Katon: Dai Endan." He whispered, before taking a breath, and spitting a massive fireball at the man.

"Well shit." The man said, as he was engulfed in flames.

888

Glaring at Kakuzu, Naruto spoke quietly to his group.

"I'm going to attack him head on, you guys fan out, and look for an opening." Kakashi looked unsure.

"Are you sure about this, Naruto?" The man asked. "I don't think this is a good idea."

"Use that eye of yours, and look for a weakness." Naruto said. "And try not to copy my taijutsu." Returning his attention to Kakuzu, he said. "I think it's about time I got serious." Naruto charged, with a speed that hadn't been seen in nearly thirty years. Naruto opened with a left punch, but Kakuzu was just barely able to block it. Knocking the hand away, he was unprepared for Naruto to spin with the momentum, and throw a right hook. Kakuzu tilted his head back to dodge, thinking he had the man off balance. He was further surprised, when Naruto continued his turn, and threw a back fist. Kakuzu again dodged, and never saw the kick coming.

"Shit!" He said, and he was forced to duck the roundhouse. Still in motion, Naruto planted his foot, and brought the other around for a spinning back kick. Unable to keep up with the continuous assault, Kakuzu dodged backwards, planting his hands into a flip to gain distance. As soon as he'd gotten to his feet, however, he found a trio of shuriken headed towards him. He was poised to dodge, when he saw Naruto run through seals, and the trio turned into thirty. Unable to dodge the hail storm, he brought his hands up running through a chain that ended in the snake seal, and took the attack. Naruto watched, annoyed, as the majority of his projectiles went poof, and the three originals bounced off.

"Damn, you can harden your body too." Naruto said. "That makes things a little more difficult." Shrugging, Naruto added. "But then, it wouldn't be fun if it was easy."

888

As Doki dodged another swipe of the huge scythe, he was beginning to think he'd bitten off more than he could chew. Even with his bloodline and greater speed, the crazy bastard wasn't letting him get close. Even jutsu was out now. After that fireball, he hadn't let him stop dodging long enough to get one off. Kage Bunshin and the Rasengan were the only useful things he could do on the move (something he vowed to remedy if he survived); one was a waste of chakra since they were destroyed before they could be useful, and the other was a waste since he couldn't get close enough to use it. He'd gotten in a lucky kunai shot, but didn't seem to do anything, as the psycho acted like he didn't even feel it, other than a grunt of annoyance. So focused was he on his opponent, that he lost sight of his environment, causing him to trip over a tree root.

"Ha ha, gotcha!" Hidan crowed, pulling his arm back to throw his scythe...only to find he couldn't move. "What the FUCK?!!"

"Kagemane no Jutsu, success." Shikamaru said. Hidan growled at the man, but didn't have time to think, as he felt a severely strong punch hit him in the solar plexus. It was followed up by a punch to his ribs, and an uppercut to the jaw that sent him off his feet into a tree. The punch had enough force to snap his neck backwards with a loud crunch.

"Hah, got him." Sakura said, landing next to Doki. Shikamaru released his jutsu, and joined them.

"I don't think so," Doki said. "I think he might really be immortal." Pointing to a kunai on the ground, he added. "Stabbed him in the heart with a kunai, and he just bitched about being poked with stuff." His statement was proven, when the massive scythe flew at the trio, causing them to scatter. Hidan appeared snapping his neck back into place.

"You bitch, that hurt!" He screamed.

888

Creating three clones, Naruto threw down a smoke bomb. Out of the smoke, three blondes charged. One attacked from the left, one the right, and one head on. Kakuzu prepared to fight the three charging men, never noticing the figure above him. Not taking any chances this time, he sent tentacles from his sleeves to meet the incoming, attackers. He was shocked when they hit two, and they went up into puffs of smoke. Noticing the third dodge, he turned his attention to it. Using his speed, he met the one on the left, and began a fierce taijutsu exchange, blocking where he could. Getting a lucky shot through the blond ninja's defense, he punched him in the head. He hit the blonde with enough force to break several ribs, but the blonde just smirked. He understood why, when a moment later, the clone went up with a flash. As Kakuzu's vision was riddled with spots, he used his chakra to try and find his adversary. It was lucky he did, because he found Naruto above him descending rapidly. Noticing the ball of rotating chakra in his hand, Kakuzu new that it would be a bad idea to get hit with that. Once again running through seals, he braced as the ball was shoved into his chest. The resultant explosion left a small crater in the ground, and kicked up huge amounts of ground and dust. Even with his jutsu, the attack was still strong enough to knock the wind out of him, but did little else.

Hopping back, Naruto waited for the smoke to clear to see what kind of damage he'd done. He was frustrated to find that Kakuzu had used his hardening jutsu again, and that even the Rasengan did minimal damage. Suddenly, there was the sound of chirping birds, and Kakuzu gained a shocked expression as a lightening covered fist was plunged into his back.

"What, from behind me, without a presence?" Kakuzu said. "And you even saw all of my seals." Kakashi surprisingly eye smiled. Chouji and Ino came out from their hiding places, thinking it was over.

"Not quite." He said. "While you were paying so much attention to Naruto, it was easy for me to sneak up from behind; especially with the chakra residue from the Rasengan." In a calm voice, he added. "Interesting jutsu you have here. I could tell from the snake seal, that you were using a Doton element jutsu to harden your body and protect you from Naruto's attacks. However, your Doton shield is weak against my Raikiri." Pulling his arm from the man's chest, he said. "I guess you're not so immortal after all." Kakashi was surprised, when as soon as the words left his mouth, he was kicked hard in the stomach. Flying backwards, he was sent crashing into a tree.

"Hm, guess he was wrong, eh." Naruto said. "Good, that means I actually get to kill you...as soon as I figure out how."

"Enough playing, I'm going to end this now." Kakuzu said, unzipping his cloak, and tossing it away. "Guh...uooooohh!" He exclaimed as four things shot out of his back.

"Oh sick!" Naruto said, as the sickly black chakra spurted out with it. The things then grew bodies from the sickly chakra, and formed an attack formation around Kakuzu. When Naruto got a good look, he saw what they were and grimaced. The four masks were all different shapes, and one was cracked, oozing the black substance that Naruto just couldn't believe was chakra. It just gave him a bad vibe, like walking in on Ojisan's advisors doing naughty, kind of bad. Naruto let out an involuntary shudder. '_I'm not sure how yet, but I'm betting that his immortality is connected to those masks._' Almost as soon as he'd thought that, the cracked one gave out a moan, and fell to the ground; it's body turning into a black ooze. Now Naruto had seen some disturbing things in his life: the Hokage's advisor's mid-rut when he was seven, Kirra Bii and Yugito-chan rutting in full biju mode, Orochimaru reading a yaio manga and giggling like Ero-Sennin, his daughter's head as it was coming out of his wife, the messes said daughter used to leave in her diapers just to name a few; and this was easily up there with the worst.

Groaning, Kakashi began pulling himself out of the tree. Unfortunately for him, it wasn't fast enough, for Kakuzu suddenly went on the attack. Running through hand seals, Kakuzu called.

"It's time to die." One of the remaining black masses turned on Kakashi, and inhaled.

"Fuuton: Atsugai!" A high pitched, gurgling voice spat, before expelling a massive wave of cutting air. The resulting explosion blew chunks of ground, and kicked up wind and dust all over the place. As the others tried to shield themselves, the other masked blobs attacked. Naruto noticed that one was headed towards Ino and Chouji, however, one stayed behind.

"Chouji, Ino, look out, here they come." Naruto called, making the seal for Shunshin.

"Raiton: Gian!" A deep, gurgling voice called, as the blob spat it's attack. Neither shinobi had a chance to dodge or block as the attack sped towards them. They're eyes snapped open however, when they heard a voice right in front of them.

"Fuuton: Rasengan!" Naruto jumped headlong into the lightening attack with his own leading the way. Kakuzu was more than just a bit shocked when the wind attack not only annulled his own, but obliterated the body of the mask as well. "Damn, almost got it." Naruto said as he landed, and saw the body regenerating. Unfortunately the other two blobs were already in motion.

"Katon: Zukkoku!" Came a wheezing, sounding gurgle. Naruto ran through his own seals, replying with.

"Suiton: Mizurappa!" The two attacks collided in mid air, creating a small mist. It was this mist that the Akatsuki member used to his advantage. Giving the orders, the first mask turned to help the other.

"Katon: Zukkuko! Fuuton: Atsugai!" Naruto's eyes widened as the attack came. He had Suiton jutsu, yes, but not one that could take this attack on. The two jutsu he could spit out weren't strong enough for a combined attack, and his Suiton jutsu that were needed a water source. This didn't look good, and there was no way to dodge, not this close.

"Shit!" He voiced his thoughts aloud.

888

Doki dodged a swing of the scythe, and blocked another with a kunai. This fight was getting out of hand, and they still hadn't figured out how to stop him. While they'd gotten into a rhythm- Shikamaru slowing Hidan's movements with his Kage jutsu, himself hitting him with jutsu and the occasional taijutsu, with Sakura hitting him where she could- they were no closer to winning than they had been when they first met. What made matters worse, was as long as he had that scythe, there was little Sakura could do, and jutsu was slowly but surely depleting his and Shikamaru's chakra reserves. Shikamaru was also trying to figure out a weakness, but that was slow in coming as well. First things first, though; get that damned scythe away from him. Running through hand seals while Hidan's attention was on Sakura, Doki released his jutsu.

"Ninpou: Doton Gou!" Doki slammed his hands into the ground, and released his earth and fire chakra. Scant seconds later, the ground rumbled, and a miniature volcano erupted right under Hidan. Unfortunately, the seemingly immortal ninja was able to dodge the attack. "Damn it, I missed."

"What the hell was that?" Hidan asked, looking impressed. "That was a pretty good technique. If I weren't going to sacrifice you to Jashin-sama, I'd ask you if you wanted to join us. Oh well, too late, now give me your blood." Hidan added, tossing his scythe, and using the rope to change the trajectory as Doki dodged, forcing him to roll away. '_Oh yeah, that scythe has definitely got to go._' Unsealing his daggers, Doki got into a ready stance.

Sakura was frustrated. Given her lack of long range jutsu, she could do little more than sit back and take cheap shots when the opportunity presented itself, which wasn't often. What made matters even worse, was that this kid ten years her junior was putting up a better fight than she was. She resolved to rectify that situation, and ask Kakashi to teach her some ranged attacks when they got back; that is if she got back. Her mental ponderings were punctuated with her having to dodge a very swift swing from the deadly scythe.

From a strategic point of view, they were actually winning this fight. From a realistic standpoint, however, Shikamaru knew the battle wasn't going well. Had this been some ordinary shinobi, then their opponent would have been dead several times over; yet given his seeming immortality, Hidan was an unbeatable foe. The only real way to end this fight, it seemed, was to dismember him, and separate the pieces, but that in itself would be a serious risk to all involved. Not only would they have to get close enough to do it, but they'd also have to worry about losing blood to the maniac. That line of thinking got the Shadow Jounin to wondering. '_Hmm, it seems he's awfully interested in getting our blood. Why our blood, and not his own? His blade also seems to have an odd design; not really causing any significant damage, only increasing his attack range. An obsession with getting our blood, a weapon whose only purpose is to wound an enemy, no matter the wound's size; what's he up to? What's the connection between those three things?_' Shikamaru thought.

888

"Suiton: Suijinheki!" A voice called from the left, and a wall of water suddenly fell in front of them. Naruto taking the moment to silently thank his former sensei, made a hand seal, and spat his own water jutsu, at the incoming attack. The two water jutsu were able to just barely beat it back. Naruto looked to see that Kakashi was panting. '_Hmm, that Raikiri took a lot out of him, not to mention that Sharingan still drains him a lot. We better figure out how to kill this guy quickly, and then go help the others._' Pulling on enough chakra to restock a classroom full of Genin, and a half a tail of Kyuubi's, Naruto made a simple motion with his hand.

"Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!" With a puff of smoke, the area was swarming with blondes. "Everyone, pull back, we need to figure this guy out. My clones will buy us some time."

"Naruto, Shadow Clones don't last that long." Kakashi said. "They can't take much damage."

"They can when I add some of the fox's chakra to it." He answered. "Now, what do we know about this bastard. I'm pretty sure his immortality is tied to those masks, or he wouldn't have been so pissed off when Kakashi killed that one. What else have you guys figured?"

"Well, Kakashi-sempai's Raikiri hit dead on, so he should be dead." Chouji said. "It's like that thing died instead of him."

"You think each of those masks could hold a piece of his soul or something?" Naruto asked. "Like a modified version of Orochimaru's jutsu. That would explain how those things could move and act independently of him."

"I don't think his ability is spiritual; unlike his partner, I'm pretty sure his is physiological." Kakashi frowned. "But that brings up more questions. I know I crushed his heart, I felt it." Kakashi said. "He should be dead, yet he's not."

"Well, do you think that maybe he had another heart?" Ino asked, unsure. Naruto looked at Kakashi, to see if he was thinking the same thing.

"I believe that we have found the missing piece to our puzzle." Kakashi said. "I'm guessing, that each of Kakuzu's parts contained a heart. Each of the monsters...

"As well as the bastard himself." Naruto said, with a serious face.

"So five hearts." Chouji said, unfeeling.

"No, four, Kakashi took one out. What say we find a way to finish those others, ne." Looking over, they found that most of the clones were gone, and that two were still battling the masks. Naruto dispelled the two clones, and got ready to try and end the fight. Kakuzu was looking at them in curiosity.

"So, you have figured it out, I take it." He said, as if it didn't matter. "Each of those hearts were taken from shinobi I've fought; they're replaceable...with yours."

888

"Gotcha, brat." Hidan said, as he made a slash along Doki's arm, drawing the key ingredient for his jutsu. He quickly licked the blood off. "Now, for the others." He swiftly turned his attention to Sakura, who barely had time to react. Nearly catching her off guard, Hidan threw his scythe at Sakura, who immediately bent backwards to dodge the attack. Hidan spins his body, and with a jerk of the rope, again adjusted the angle to take a second swift swipe at her while she was vulnerable. Sakura was forced, even in her current position, to twist out of the way. What resulted, was a display of flexibility that could have induced severe nasal fountains around certain people, and left Hidan's inner pervert screaming with joy. It helped that the physical exertion from the fight had resulted in a glistening sheen of sweat; causing her outfit to stick to her body in very pleasant ways, that revealed clefts normally left to the imagination.

In his daze, Hidan felt a warm liquid dripping freely from his nose, and subconsciously licked his lips when the drip became irritating. Noticing the lull in movement, Doki sprinted past Hidan's defense. Cutting the rope with the dagger in his right hand, he span with the momentum, and stabbed Hidan in the heart with his other dagger. This does nothing but snap Hidan out of his perverted daze. '_The fuck?_' Hidan mentally groans, before noticing the state of things. He has been separated from his primary weapon, the brat was right in front of him, and he had a blade sticking out of his chest. Noticing the blood dripping on the ground, he grins. '_Gotcha._'

"Ha, now I've got you." Hidan yells madly, quickly drawing an arm length, black blade from his cloak, and swiping it at the young man. "Now you'll feel my pain."

888

"It's a shame that I have to kill all of you now. You Leaf ninja are part of that special class that gained early notoriety at those Chuunin Exams." Kakuzu said. "Like Kakashi and Jiraiya, in a few years, you'd all have had nice bounties on your heads." He then raised his arm palm facing them. "However, the gap in battle experience between us is too great. When I look at your forehead protectors, it reminds me of the first Konoha shinobi I fought with..." Tendrils of chakra began spilling from his forearm. "The Shodai Hokage."

"Damn, you're really old." Naruto muttered. The other just looked shocked.

"How old is this guy?!" Ino asked startled.

"You're truly an immortal?" Kakashi asked, stunned.

"Psh, there is no such thing in this world." Kakuzu said. "Even Hidan has a weakness, no matter how small. By stocking up on hearts before mine stops beating, I've been able to live longer."

"Man, that's no way to live." Naruto said. "Though, some people are so afraid of death that they'll resort to any means to prevent facing what they fear."

"Such a wise statement from one so young." Kakuzu said, gaining a shrug from Naruto.

"I've lived a life that forced me to grow up quickly, even by shinobi standards." Naruto answered.

"Yes, I have heard that the life of a vessel is especially hard." Kakuzu acknowledged. "It is unfortunate that you are a Jinchuuriki, you would fit well with our organization; shunned and feared for having a power others don't understand." Silence reigned for a few moments. "It matters not now. You will all die here today. I've been able to live longer by using the hearts of stronger shinobi to replace the weaker ones. Kakashi, your heart will replace the one that you destroyed." Kakashi went on alert. '_The Katon and Fuuton masks are preparing to attack again._' Kakashi thought. '_I don't think I'll be able to block it again, even with Naruto's help._' The attack came swiftly; the resulting explosion blowing up chunks of ground, dust, and wind. Chouji and Ino were forced to shield themselves from the blast aftershocks. Jumping backwards away from the blast, Kakashi shouted.

"Suiton: Suijinheki!" Unfortunately, this is exactly what Kakuzu wanted. Using the tentacles from his arm, he caught Kakashi in midair, and slammed him into the ground.

"Your heart is mine." Kakuzu stated. Then before the others could react, his tentacles shot out, and captured Chouji and Ino. Naruto who had been preparing to attack with a pair of Kage Bunshin got lucky when his clones jumped in the way. "The rest of you will die." The combined fire and wind attacks burst forth...only to run into another jutsu. Using a Fuuton: Rasengan, Naruto made one handed seals, and spat a steady stream of water through it at the incoming fire.

"Suiton: Dai Mizurappa! (Great Violent Water Wave)" Everyone looked over to see Naruto glaring harshly at Kakuzu. "Okay, that's it. I'm done playing around; it's time to end this. I'll take it from here, you guys take a break."

"Big talk brat, let's see you back it up." The masks returned to Kakuzu's side, and readied for attack. Kakuzu's tentacle began spilling out all over his body, also ready to attack or defend at a moment's notice. With barely a flinch, Naruto created three Kage Bunshin, and had them attack. While they were destroyed in short order, having only used taijutsu, it gave Naruto plenty of information. '_So, he's relying on the tentacles to fight, meaning he's protecting the hearts, and using them for long range attacks. I also notice that his tentacles are much slower than he is._' Naruto created five more clones, and put his hand out to his side. Suddenly, chakra began swirling in his hand, followed by a high pitched whistle. Everyone froze at the power coming off of the jutsu.

"What is...that?" Ino asked, shaking. She looked over to find Chouji shaking as well.

"S...such massive chakra." He stuttered. '_I don't know what this jutsu is,_' Kakuzu thought. '_But I know I can't get hit by it._'

"I...I can't believe it, he completed the jutsu." Kakashi whispered. '_Sensei, he really is the one that can surpass you._' The clones attacked in a diamond formation, before suddenly splitting, all with the intentions of creating an opening for the original. It was all for naught. The clone that attacked head on was destroyed by the black mass, the clone that slipped in behind the same. The two that came from the sides were hit by the two masks. The fifth however, had the best luck, for it gave Naruto the information he needed. With a Rasengan in hand, it actually got within striking distance, before it was spotted. Kakuzu dodged backwards, avoiding the spiraling sphere of chakra, before killing it with his tentacles. Naruto released his jutsu, and began to reevaluate the fight, based on the knowledge he received from his clones. '_Seems like I need a better distraction._' Naruto thought as he created four more clones. '_I need something that's going to take his attention off of me long enough to hit him._' Naruto smirked as an idea came to him. Instead of trying to hit all three hearts at once, why not take out the other two first. It would certainly make killing the bastard a lot easier.

Giving the mental command, the clones attacked. Two to the side, and two head on. As the two masks began their attacks, so did Naruto. On the side of the wind mask, one clone ran through seals, and called out.

"Katon: Endan!" When the wind hit the flames, it ignited the attack into an even greater one. At the same time on the other side, another clone was engaging the fire mask.

"Suiton: Mizurappa!" It called, countering the water mask. The two clones that were attacking head on went into motion as well. One throwing several kunai, before turning them into several dozen with Kunai Kage Bunshin, then activating the explosive tags on them. The final clone used this mayhem, to make his own seals.

"Fuuton: Kaze no Yaiba!" It called, as several blades of wind assaulted the Akatsuki member in the melee. All the while, this was a feint for the real Naruto, who had produced a Fuuton: Rasengan, and was descending rapidly upon Kakuzu. Luckily for the near immortal, he had already made the move to dodge the wind swords, or he would have gotten into a bit of a jam. '_This brat is really dangerous at close and mid range, I better switch to long range._' Kakuzu began groaning loudly, as the masks fell slightly behind him. '_Damn it, why is it always the creepy ones that make things difficult?_' Naruto thought with a groan.

"That was a nice trick." Kakuzu said, as he fully released his tentacles from his body. "But you won't get a second chance to try it." Kakuzu's mouth then opened, and another mass of black spilled out.

"What...not only did his form change again, he's building up his chakra." Kakashi said. "He's about to go on the attack, so be careful, Naruto." And it was just as Kakashi said...however, just as he was about to attack, Kakuzu stopped, and clutched his chest.

"Im-impossible." He said, suddenly ignoring his opponents. "That...idiot." Seeing his chance, Naruto leapt into action. Creating several more clones, he made his move to end the fight.

888

Using his other dagger, Doki blocked the strike; but Hidan proved to be the stronger of the two. Doki wass forced to roll to the side as the blade struck the ground where he had been. It wasn't until it was too late, that he noticed Hidan making some sort of design on the ground, with the quickly spilling blood. Once he'd finished, he yelled.

"The conditions have been met; the preparations are complete." Pointing the point of the blade at his own chest, Hidan growls. "Now I have you, brat. I think I'm going to sacrifice you first, since you seem to be the biggest annoyance; then I'll get those other two." With all the aggression of a psycho, Hidan plunged the blade into his chest. As this was happening, Doki felt a pin prick in his chest, and realized exactly what the sicko's obsession with blood was about. He could feel the blood pouring from the wound on his chest, and was very thankful for his bloodline at the moment. Hidan on the other hand was grinning like a maniac.

"Do you feel that, do you feel...huh?!" He said grunting, and coughing up blood. "_What's going on? I can't die, I'm immortal, damn it._"

"It would seem," Shikamaru said. "That you're vulnerable to your own jutsu, if you ingest your own blood." The former immortal wracked his mind trying to think when and how that had happened, and suddenly remembered the warm liquid he'd licked off his lips.

"Aw fuck," The Jashin server groaned, falling to his knees. "This really...sucks." He then keeled over, dead, fouling himself in the process. It was then that Sakura noticed the growing pool of blood around Doki's feet. Rushing over, she began to check on him, finding the wound. After stripping his shirt off- earning Sakura a blush and a mental chastization for having naughty thoughts about a kid- Sakura ran through some seals, and began treating the wound. She quickly realized that the boy's chakra was slowing the process.

"Can you release your bloodline, it's making this harder?" Sakura asked.

"If I do, then I'm going to die." Doki said. "This wound is fatal, you know." Frowning, Sakura continued to work. Luckily her minimal involvement in the fight meant her reserves were still pretty full. Sakura continued to heal Doki while his bloodline was active, so that he didn't die, but it certainly made things more difficult than they really had to be. Once she'd deemed the danger had passed, Doki released his bloodline. Almost immediately his body went into shock, and he slips into unconsciousness. Sakura continues to work on him to keep him from passing; luckily with his bloodline inactive, things went a lot easier.

'_So drinking his own blood is what made him vulnerable, after all._' Shikamaru thought as he rested. '_Ironic that he'd do it himself. Perverts, too troublesome._' Walking over, he picked up the daggers that belonged to the kid. As he was turning back, a flash of light drew his eye to the enemies scythe. Walking over, he picked it up, and carried it back to the boy's side. Looking down at the young ninja, he gave a smirk, before sealing the three weapons into a scroll. The kid had definitely earned that troublesome scythe. Once she had finished, Sakura eased the unconscious boy into a sitting position against a tree.

"I guess all that's left is clean up." She said, turning to the Akatsuki member's body. Almost as soon as the words left her mouth, the body began to rapidly decay, until there was nothing left. "Or not." Sighing, and lifting Doki onto his shoulder, Shikamaru said.

"Come on, let's get back to the others." Sakura nodded, and the two leapt into the trees.

888

Not really sure of the bastards recovery time, Naruto decided not to take chances, and treat Kakuzu as if he was still completely alert. Naruto and two of his clones disappeared, while one clone ran straight at Kakuzu. Just as the black chakra mass was about to tear into him, it gave him the finger, before being engulfed from behind.

"Teppoudama!" Naruto said, taking the man by surprise. With his tendrils already mid-attack, Kakuzu was unable to defend himself, and was forced to dodge. Unfortunately, he dodged straight into another attack, and was again forced to move when he heard. "Katon: Endan!" He winced as some of his body was hit with the fire, and spun him around. He got control before he hit the ground, but it meant little, because as soon as his feet hit the ground it began to turn to a swamp accompanying a call of. "Doton: Yomi Numa!" Using the basics of tree climbing, or the part that you wanted to avoid, he launched himself into the air. He regained his bearings just in time to see his blond adversary coming fast with a miniature version of the destructive jutsu. Sending his tendrils out, he captured the blond, and speared it. He was unnerved however, by the smirk that played across the blonde's face. He understood why a second later, as his eyes began to glow. The smirking blond said. "Bunshin Bakuha!" Before exploding less than five feet in front of him. Using tendrils from his back to shield himself, he cursed having to leave his back open. Kakuzu got a look of real fear on his face, when he heard a voice from right behind him yell. "Fuuton: Rasenshuriken!"

Kakuzu let out a scream of pain as he was cut multiple times by the jutsu, but that was only the beginning. A second later, the was a loud whirling sound, as the jutsu expanded. As the jutsu exploded, Naruto covered his hand in the Kyuubi's chakra to protect himself. The whirling sound kept growing louder and louder, turning into a roar as the jutsu reached its apex; the dome of slicing chakra easily as large as a boss summon. Kakashi, Ino, and Chouji were forced to take cover from the massive shockwave that resulted from the blast. Just before the chakra backlashed, he used a Shunshin, to appear beside the others; cursing as he shook his numb hand. The others were surprised to see that even without Naruto pushing it along, it was still going. What they didn't know, was that once connected, the jutsu became self-sustaining for nearly half a minute.

'_The attack frequency is amazing..._' Kakashi thought. '_Even with my Sharingan, I couldn't keep track of all the hits._' It was at that moment, that the situation really hit home for Kakashi. All of his pupils prospered away from his tutelage; and the one with the greatest potential, grew faster away from the village than he ever had within it. When the jutsu ended, there was nothing but a massive crater, easily big enough to fit the Hokage Tower in. At the bottom of the crater lay a body, completely destroyed on a cellular level; the only thing keeping it together were the tentacles and dead tissue.

"Well, that's that, let's go see about the others." Naruto said, still shaking his numb hand.

"No need." Shikamaru said, as he and Sakura touched down. "I take it this is your handy work." Naruto shrugged. Sakura looked at Shikamaru stunned. How could he be so nonchalant when they'd felt that blast from where they were half a mile away. Little did she know, that he was trying to analyze Naruto, and see just how strong he'd gotten, and just how much of a threat he'd pose in the right circumstances.

"So, how'd he do in his first real fight?" Naruto asked Shikamaru, taking his little brother from him.

"Let's just say, that Konoha lost a very good sensei when they banished you." Naruto smiled.

"Well, let's get going, I don't like leaving Kushina with Ero-Sennin for too long." Naruto said. "I'd die if that pervert managed to corrupt my sweet little girl."

Meanwhile, Kakashi was standing over the remains of the former Akatsuki member. Taking out a scroll, he drew a storage seal on it, before sealing the body inside. '_I think Tsunade needs to take a look at this. I'm sure both she and the council will be curious to see just how strong he's gotten._' Kakashi thought. '_I still can't believe the power of that jutsu. Sensei, was this really what you had planned for it?_'

888

**Omake**

In a celestial palace, in a realm beyond our own, a young woman of ethereal beauty can be found tidying up the room of her two children. As she sets a fox plushie on the bed of her son, she notices that their toy box was beginning to glow. A frown marred her features, as the only time that was supposed to happen, was when their father was on duty. They hadn't had it happen in here since...she glared.

"JASHIN, WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU AND YOUR SISTER ABOUT TRICKING MORTALS INTO BELIEVING YOU'RE A GOD?!!" She screamed.

Outside, a pair of children no more than ten looked up at their mother's yell.

"Uh oh, I think we're in trouble." The girl said. Her suspicions were confirmed when they heard.

"JUST WAIT UNTIL YOUR FATHER HEARS ABOUT THIS!!!"

Several blocks away in an office building...

"You called for me Kami-sama." A man said, entering the huge office.

"Your son is causing problems again." Kami said, with an amused smirk on his face. "Now, you're one of my best Shinigami, I mean four Hokage is Grade A work, but..." The man sighed.

"I understand, I will take care of it as soon as I get home." Kami nodded.

"See that you do." He said, before handing a file to the man. "You also have a soul to collect. Susanoo has informed me that he has a present for us. Be warned, he won't come quietly, so you have my permission to use force. There's also a note here to watch your ass, whatever that means." The man nodded, and took the file. When he opened it, he let out a shudder.

"I take it this is punishment for Jashin and Kiva." Kami only smirked, and said.

"Dismissed." As he left the office, the man thought. '_Those two are definitely in trouble when I get home. Damn it, I'll never make Division 1 Captain when Yamamoto retires if those two keep up._'

888

Okay, now I know that the pervert Hidan thing came, not only as a shock to most, but way out of left field. I thought it was a fitting end to a character who could have used that ability for far more (pauses for lecherous eyewag) interesting purposes. And for those of you wondering if I really just did that; oh yeah, I went there.

I also realise that there are some indiscrepencies regarding Doki's level of skill, and yet he made mistakes that most people his skill level wouldn't make. Doki is Jounin level or higher in stamina, taijutsu, and ninjutsu, but high chuunin level everywhere else. His speed is high enough that he can keep up with Naruto and Jiraiya, but there's one thing that he still doesn't have: actual battle experience. Sparring is one thing, but an all out fight is completely different. This was his first life or death battle, so I think he did rather well.

For everyone who still hasn't figured out the truth behind the novel thing regarding my Icha Icha fics. It's one of those Internet cookies to inspire reviews. I'm not going to bug people about reviewing, but I like adding little fun incentives; and if they feel like playing along with the game, then jolly good times for all.

I would also like to explain something. I've gotten a few angry review replies about not bitching about their grammar and spelling, so I'm going to tell you my issue with it. It's nothing personal, but because of the education I've received, and the constant bitching I've received from teachers and professor, I have developed this pet peeve about grammar, spelling, sentence structure, proper dialogue structure, punctuation, and all around readablility. I understand that people make mistakes, I make them in my own stories, but the ones I pointed out mistakes to had mistakes that made the story hard to read in places. All we ask, is that you have someone proofread your story (that's what Betas are for), unless you're absolutely sure you've done proofreading work of a decent quality that it doesn't make reading difficult. I personally get sick of reading stories like this, so I try my damnedest to make sure that what I post is as good as I can make it; at least until I can figure out how to send and receive things from a Beta.

Saw these questions at the beginning of a few chapters of a story called, Enjoy Life, by SeikoTuner on Adult Fan Fiction . net (got some good ones on here too), and they got me to thinking. So I present these questions to you, and ask what you think.

Food for thought: Can anyone tell me why females tend to dislike stories where the male is younger than the girl, and males absolutely love the idea of the character being with an older gal? *Shrugs*

Food for thought: Would everything in Naruto make much more sense (not to mention hell of a lot more interesting) if Sasuke were a girl? Keep Naruto's crush for Sakura, and FEMSasuke still a cold prick, it would have made confrontations for Sasuke's betrayal a bit more dramatic. Sasuke no doubt would have developed feelings for Naruto and just not wanted to like him so much, her little emotional snap for leaving the village would have made a little more sense.  
Not only that, it might have explained Itachi's reasoning for leaving her alive. He just couldn't bear to kill his own little baby sister. Eh? Eh? I know its stupid. But hey... I'm bored. You know what's funny. Even though thinking along those lines, I still can't imagine Naruto with Sasuke. Guy nor girl. Meh.

**Now, I'm going to rant a little bit. I've become sick of everyone going apeshit on Sakura and Sasuke whether in favor or against them. There are very good arguments for either side, so really let's just put this to bed shall we.**

Sasuke

First of all, Sasuke was very deserving of Rookie of the Year. While not exactly for the right reasons, he put the work in, and you can't knock him for that. He was a cocky bastard, and that is one of the main reasons that he ended up the way he did. Not to mention, his brother really screwed with his mind that fateful night. One of the things that made Sasuke so driven to get stronger, was Itachi telling him he wasn't even worth killing; I mean harsh. Even still, that doesn't really excuse what he eventually did. Once his eyes awakened, he went from deserving of his title, to a typical bloodline supremacist. He believed that his Sharingan was the be all end all, and became dependent upon it. After that, he seemed to stop working as hard as he had been, and that in turn caused his superiority complex to become less and less true. When Naruto, who always gave 100 percent began to catch up, he didn't understand why. The fact is, no matter how much you copy, there really is no substitute for hard work. With his dependence on the Sharingan increasing, his rate of improvement began to decrease, while Naruto's began to skyrocket when he finally got a teacher willing to invest time in his growth. The fact of the matter is, Sasuke is really a victim of circumstance, the same as Naruto; unlike the blond, however, Sasuke was ill equipped to handle it. Being the last Uchiha, he was used to being coddled, and having his hand held, while Naruto had to work for everything he got. The fact is, that when faced with a situation that didn't go his way, he didn't know what to do, while Naruto who was used to being dumped on, did. In the end, Sasuke just didn't have the determination, and sheer stubbornness to overcome his problems; but again, a lot of the blame can be placed on Konoha.

Now, for all of those people who either creamed themselves, or had a bitch fit when Sasuke beat Itachi, you obviously didn't pay much attention to detail. First of all, Itachi didn't put up much of a fight. Had he really fought Sasuke as seriously as he fought Kakashi during the Tsunade arc, or even half the seriousness he used on a mission, then there wouldn't have even been a fight. He wouldn't have bothered with that little Genjutsu spar, he would have ended it, quickly. Even in the first true exchange, Itachi made a Kage Bunshin while engaging Sasuke, and he never even saw it until after it attacked. Then, when he used the Tsukiyomi, that hurt him more than helped him, but that was his fault for underestimating Sasuke. Regardless of what anyone thinks, though, Sasuke is very skilled, and came in with a very good plan, but he still could have lost just as easily. The fact of the matter is, had Itachi not been planning to die by Sasuke's hand, and been just as intent on killing Sasuke as his brother had been him, that fight could have gone a lot differently. Not an opinion, but point of fact if you really study the fight and series. While I myself am not a Sasuke fan, I do realize that he has his good points and bad. That being said, I also can look past my opinion to understand that he deserves neither the monumental praise, nor the severely biased hatred that he receives.

Sakura

Oh boy, where do we start with this one. Now I know that many like portraying Sakura as a bitch, but the fact is, she's a victim of her age. Like many **twelve year olds**, she was obsessed with the big thing for girls her age...that thing just happened to be Sasuke. Now while she probably took it to a bigger level than was probably normal, it's just how things are. Pre-teen angst is a normal problem, regardless of them being shinobi. Having been picked on for her forehead as a child, she latched onto Ino who helped her become popular. Then here comes the King of Unpopular trying to court her, and she feels her popularity is threatened by being associated with him. Not wanting to return to the ridicule she faced as a youngster, she falls back to the very common security blanket...making fun of others. Now while I agree she took it too far on many instances, again, it's not that un-normal (is that a word). I have no doubt that had Naruto's lineage been public knowledge (though how one couldn't make the connection escapes me), his advances would have been treated differently. While up until the retrieval arc, I agree she was a waste of shinobi resources, I think that her first mission matured her a bit in many areas. She began to notice that she had a second teammate, she began to see that Sasuke wasn't infallible, and she also began to see that Naruto wasn't just some loser she and Sasuke got stuck with. While she was still obsessed with Sasuke, and likely wouldn't have admitted it to anyone, she did begin to care about Naruto, even as soon as the incident with the demon brothers. And while I understand that it makes for good point starters for banishment or desertion fics, let's be reasonable. Sakura will never sink so low as some authors have her portrayed, because she does care for him. Even if she didn't, the fact is, no matter how much Naruto allows the abuse, she knows (even if subconsciously) that if she pushes him too far in the wrong direction, there would be absolutely nothing she could do if he decided to retaliate; except scream for help, and hope for the best.


	3. Of Pranks and Explanationswith just a

**Chapter 3**

**Disclaimer: If you believe that anyone on these sites own any series, book, etc. that they're writing about, (unless it's under the original category somewhere) you deserve to have a jumbo pineapple shoved up your rectum. A/n: I feel it's my place to warn you as the author, that this chapter may not live up to its predecessors. I was pretty disappointed with how this one turned out (regardless of necessity), so I'm not holding my breath for positive feedback.**

**Of Pranks and Explanations...with just a dash of citrus**

Last time...

"_Well, let's get going, I don't like leaving Kushina with Ero-Sennin for too long." Naruto said. "I'd die if that pervert managed to corrupt my sweet little girl."_

_Meanwhile, Kakashi was standing over the remains of the former Akatsuki member. Taking out a scroll, he drew a storage seal on it, before sealing the body inside. '__**I think Tsunade needs to take a look at this. I'm sure both she and the council will be curious to see just how strong he's gotten.'**__ Kakashi thought. __**'I still can't believe the power of that jutsu. Sensei, was this really what you had planned for it?'**_

At the same time elsewhere...

Jiraiya was a powerful shinobi, a ninja of Kage strength and calibur, even one of the Legendary Sannin. No one, except of course Tsunade and his former sensei, told him what to do. However, when Naruto told him to take Kushina and go, something told him to go. He still put up the token resistance, but he was going. His only regret was that he would miss seeing the brat's new jutsu, cause he was sure that he was going to use it.

Turns out, it had been a good idea. Tanzaku Gai was teeming with beautiful women, both young and older, and this was definitely where he wanted to be. The only problem, was that he was stuck with the rugrat. While a prime way to meet women, he couldn't do anything fun as long as she was in his care. Now, never let it be said that he didn't love her like his own grandkid, but the girl scared him sometimes. Compared to the updates he got from Sensei during Naruto's childhood, she was twice as mischievous as her dad was, had twice the energy, and was easily twice as smart. If Naruto had chosen to start her training early like some clans did, she'd probably be nearly done with the ninja academy by now; and well on her way to becoming a female version of her paternal grandfather. He understood why Naruto and Chikaru decided to hold off her training- childhood was a precious thing after all- but once the kid met Tsunade, there was no chance. The woman had an effect on future kunoichi, like Naruto had on people in general. '_Oh well, might as well put her to work, and have my fun once her dad returns. Once she meets, and becomes corrupted by, Tsunade, I won't get the chance anymore._'

Looking around, he spots a rather attractive young lady standing near a game stand. '_Ohh, there's a prime example of woman right there_.' Jiraiya thought a lecherous grin on his face, and a bit of blood trickling from his nose. The woman he was staring at had a near perfect hourglass figure, and could give Tsunade a run for her money in the breast department. She was wearing a tight strapless dress that conformed to her heavenly body, a half buttoned blouse to maintain some modesty, and a pair of sexy, heeled sandals that accentuated well formed legs, and showed off attractive, delicate feet. What was more, was that with a little chakra to his eyes, he could even partially make out the imprint of her sizable nipples through the dress.

"Hey kiddo, you see that pretty lady there with the black dress on." Jiraiya knelt, asking the girl. Kushina nodded at her pervy grandpa. "You remember what to do, don't ya." Kushina was a very smart girl for her age, and knew that what her Ero-jiji was doing was bad. Even still, watching the funny faces he made around pretty ladies always made her laugh. Kushina smiled at the man who'd become her grandpa, and nodded.

"Yep, I 'member." She replied; and the three, soon to be four, year old did remember. She also remembered what her daddy told her to do when Ero-jiji had her do this.

"All right kiddo, make your grandpa proud." Jiraiya slunk back so that he was just out of the woman's visual range, and watched Kushina wander over to the woman. In a way he felt bad about this, but damn the girl was a chick magnet.

888

Miki Tanaka was standing near a game stand, waiting for her brother to return from his break, when she heard a small voice beacon to her.

"E'scuse me miss." Looking down, she saw the cutest little girl she'd ever seen. The child was wearing an orange shirt, with clashing blue overalls that just seemed to make her look even cuter; almost like she'd dressed herself. The high, shoulder length pigtails only added to the effect. "Could you help me find my jiji?" Smiling, she squatted down to eye level the surprisingly calm girl.

"Sure honey, what does he look like?" She answered.

"He's tall, and gots long, white hair." She started. "He's kinda old, e'sep he doesn't look like it." Just as she was about to describe, in as much detail as a mischievous youngster can, his outfit, a strong voice interrupted her.

"There you are, I've been looking all over for you." Jiraiya came up to the pair, and noticed that the woman had given him a once over. Bending down to discretely wink at Kushina, he continued. "You know you're not supposed to run off like that. If something happened to you, your dad and Tsunade would kill me. I'm Jiraiya, her adoptive grandpa." He said, turning to the woman, and giving her a charming smile. The woman's eyes widened for a bit- he was a very famous person, in both the shinobi and civilian circles after all- but she quickly regained her calm demeanor. "Thank you for finding her, and looking after her." Even though she hadn't even had the girl long, the woman felt obligated to reply.

"It wasn't a problem." She said. "She was an angel the whole time." Jiraiya almost snorted. '_This lady obviously doesn't know her that well._' Ironically enough, the same thought was being echoed three feet below him in the mind of the blonde girl. '_I should probably do something before Kushina decides to ruin things for me._' When the lady leant down to muss her hair, Kushina caught her jiji looking down the woman's top, with some blood on his nose. The Sannin suddenly felt a powerful wave of (1)MI coming from the child next to him, and knew it was too late. Seeing that her jiji was aware of her intent, and deciding this was the perfect time, she blurted.

"Hey Ero-jiji, how come yer staring down the pretty lady's top?" The woman snapped back to standing like a whip, and glared at jiji as Jiraiya began to sputter incoherently. Inwardly, he knew that Naruto had something to do with what she just did. Her job done, Kushina began searching the area for something to catch her interest. Just as she was passing over a somewhat interesting looking duck game, Kushina spotted a familiar shock of blond. "Daddy!" She squealed, and shot off like a bullet. She jumps into her father's outstretched arms, and quickly finds herself twirled around.

"Hey munchkin, were you a good girl for Ero-jiji?" Kushina nodded cutely.

"Yep, an' we talkeded to this pretty lady, and I did ezacly what you said." She replied rapidly. A slight look of annoyance crossed Naruto's features, causing Kushina to giggle. Naruto marched over to the Sannin, and decks him in the head, much like Tsunade was prone to.

"Damn you, Ero-Sennin, how many times have I told you not to use my daughter to pick up women?" Naruto spat as a groaning Jiraiya pulled himself up from the ground. "I don't care if you are a pervert, you don't use your granddaughter to pick up girls." The woman gave him a look that was part shocked, and part disgusted, but there was also an underlying hint of sly appreciation.

"Using your granddaughter to pick up women." The woman snapped. "That's a despicable way to get a girl's attention...but also flattering, and rather smooth." She gave a quick glance behind her, and found that her brother had returned. "My name is Miki, I'm free for the moment, would you like to go somewhere and get acquainted?" The seven ninja, Doki had awaken shortly before they found Jiraiya and Kushina, and one child could only look on in shocked disbelief as the woman led Jiraiya away, hanging off his arm like an extremely sexy curtain.

"I guess even he had to get lucky sometime." Naruto said. Shouldering his daughter, he asked. "You hungry?" When she nodded that she was, Naruto grinned. "Let's go find you something to eat, then we can play some games." Kushina cheered loudly, and again the Konoha contingent found themselves shocked by Naruto's changes.

888

Later that night, after Naruto had put the exhausted Kushina to bed, and after the group had recovered from chasing the pair of blondes around the city, the group settled down to catch up.

"So did the brat use his jutsu, the Rasenshuriken?" Jiraiya asked unable to control his curiosity. "I've only seen it once, when it was still incomplete, how was it." Naruto smirked. Jiraiya was like a kid in a candy store about his technique.

"He used it," Kakashi started. "And I must say, that I'm extremely impressed. If that was what sensei had planned for it all along, then he truly was a genius with no equal; and Naruto must be highly skilled too for actually pulling it off." Kakashi then turned thoughtful. "The only thing though, is it's called the Rasen-shuriken, but you have to hit them point blank. That also takes away some of it's versatility, and makes it rather poorly named." Jiraiya frowned a bit. He was hoping that Naruto had gotten over that little issue.

"Actually, I can throw it too." Naruto said casually. "I just didn't want to take the chance that he'd dodge it and someone else would get hit with it. I'm sure the council would have loved that." He turned to Jiraiya. "Speaking of which, you wanna make a bet. (2)Ten yen says they try to reinstate me."

"Sorry, but only Tsunade takes sucker bets." Jiraiya said. "You still going to tell them no."

"I've been doing some thinking, and I've decided differently." Naruto said. Jiraiya's eyes went wide.

"So you're coming back?!" The incredulous tone of the sage's voice shocked, and slightly angered much of the Konoha group.

"Hell no, I just decided to answer differently than with a simple no." Naruto said. "I figure 'blow it out your ass' will get my point across, and it's offensive enough to let them know how I feel." Seeing the tension in the room, though understanding completely Naruto's decision, Shikamaru wisely changed the subject.

"Naruto, there's something that I'm curious about." Shikamaru said. "After that fight with the Akatsuki, Doki said something that I've been unable to stop thinking about since."

"What's that?" Naruto asked, glancing at the sleeping Doki.

"He had a fatal wound, and was acting as if nothing was wrong. When asked to release it so that Sakura could heal him, he said that he would die if he did." Shika said. "There's also the fact that his wound is already healed. You're the only person I know of that can heal that fast, and that's only because of the Kyuubi."

"So baachan finally told everyone, huh." Naruto said.

"She mainly did it to piss the council off." Jiraiya said. "By telling your friends, and them not caring, it was another slap in the face of the civilian council members who still believe that you are unanimously hated by the village." Naruto sighed.

"Well, I can't really say." He explained. "Even though it's my daughter's bloodline as well, Doki is the eldest holder of the bloodline. As the most senior user of the bloodline, it's up to him if I can tell you or not."

"It's okay, niisan, you can tell them." A voice said. Sitting up, Doki rubbed his eyes.

"Okay, what I'm about to tell you is going to piss a lot of people off," Naruto started. "Especially all of those bloodline worshipers in Konoha who hate the fox." Naruto paused for effect, and it worked. "All bloodlines come from demons, or have demonic origins." Most of the listeners bristled at that, except Shikamaru who only raised an eyebrow. He'd always suspected some underlying dark beginnings with his family's Kage bloodline, but to hear this was almost as if it was confirmed.

"Even though I know this will be troublesome." He said simply. "Could you please elaborate."

"Many centuries ago, Demons and humans lived on this plane together. Some places in harmony, and in others, bitter enemies. The bloodlines that are so treasured today came as a result of human/demon relationships, which were prevalent centuries ago, a couple even as recent as 200 years. While most demons were evil and raped their victims, there were a few demons who were only such by birth, and actually had human lovers. There were even some that married humans, and lived among them, protecting their villages and clans from their evil counterparts."

"You can't be serious." Ino argued. "It's impossible."

"What are the most famous bloodlines in the Elemental Nations?" Naruto asked.

"What about the...Byakugan?" Sakura asked after a moments hesitation. Everyone knew what she wanted to ask, but the words seemed to fail her at the last second. Naruto chuckled; not at Sakura, but at her question.

"Oh the irony of that one." Naruto said. "According to Kyuubi, the paternal progenitor of that bloodline was a Mole demon." He and Doki couldn't help laughing at the open mouthed shock of that revelation.

"So you're saying that a bloodline renowned for its insight, actually comes from a demonic creature renowned for blindness." Ino asked. Naruto nodded, causing the others to continue gaping. Finally she got over her shock, and asked. "What about the Inuzuka or the Yamanaka?"

"I don't know anything about the Yamanaka, except that they were one of the more recent ones." Naruto revealed. "I also don't know anything about the Nara, sorry Shika." The shadow user just shrugged. "As far as the Inuzuka...they came by way of a half demon named Inuyasha; whose child was blessed by his elder brother, a full blood dog demon named Sesshomaru." Curious about something, Jiraiya asked.

"What about the Rinnegan?" Naruto smirked at him.

"I was wondering if you were going to ask me that." Naruto said. "Even the great Rinnegan came from a demon, albeit a good one. The Rinnegan comes from a great dragon demon, the very first demon lord to obtain multi-tailed status. He became close to a priestess who purified his youki, and was likely the only truly benevolent demon to ever exist; although there was a dog demon renowned for being an honorable demon, he was still a demon(3). He assumed a human form once every century, and they created a child during that time. About half a dozen generations later, the offspring manifested the Rinnegan."

"Interesting," Jiraiya mumbled. "What about the Kaguya?"

"The Kaguya come from a demon called Magatsuhi," Naruto revealed. "Kyuubi didn't know much about him, other than that he lusted after a princess, and was extremely twisted." Looking around, he could see the question on their faces, but no one seemed to want to ask. "Fine, since none of you have the balls to ask, I'll just tell you. The Sharingan is pure evil, and there's no way around it." Sakura looked to protest. "Sakura, the Sharingan was bestowed upon a former Hyuuga by Naraku, a chaos demon." Naruto said. "After forming a demonic pact, the demon mutated the Byakugan, but what our little Hyuuga didn't know was that his bloodline was cursed. Why do you think the whole clan is crazy, and the eye has so many harmful side effects? To make matters worse, a psychotic dark priestess from the clan's early years birthed a child from the demon horse Entei, further mutating their family line. She then killed all the men in the family, and had her demon lover impregnate all of the fertile women after using some form of mind control over them. This is where their gift of fire comes from; most notably the power of Amaterasu." Kakashi looked to be about to ask a question, but Naruto waved him off. "Yes they became pregnant the old fashion way, no he didn't have a human form, and please don't ask, I'd rather not think about it."

"No, the Sharingan can't be all bad." Sakura denied.

"Sakura, the clan has been twisted since its creation." Naruto said. "The power that comes with that bloodline is a curse. Any member of that clan that allowed themselves to be seduced by the power of the Sharingan were driven insane. Madara Uchiha was crazy enough to actually attack Konoha with the Kyuubi, twice. The Uchiha were planning a coup before Itachi killed them all, and you know what happened to that retard Sasuke." Deciding to change the subject, Shikamaru asked.

"And the Mishima?" He asked.

"I was wondering when someone was going to mention that." Naruto said. "The Mishima are the bloodline equivalent of having the Kyuubi sealed in me. As a matter of fact, the Kyuubi's great uncle is the progenitor of the bloodline."

"So what does it do?" Shika asked. While he doubted Naruto would become hostile towards Konoha, it was still a good thing to know what they were up against. Naruto's smirk told Shikamaru that he knew what he was doing.

"While activated, a Mishima's bloodline renders them practically immortal, and impervious to pain. It would take something like decapitation to kill them with it activated. It also makes them stronger and more aggressive, just like when I use the fox's chakra. They also have healing factor quicker than mine. The only drawback, is that they feel everything once the bloodlines deactivated. If they have a fatal wound when they release the bloodline, then they'll likely die." Naruto suddenly went quiet, and his mood turned somber.

"It's what happened to oneechan." Doki said quietly.

"How do you know all this?" Jiraiya asked. "About the bloodlines, I mean."

"Let's just say, that Kyuubi can be rather talkative when he's bored." Naruto said. "Besides, my wife, brother, and daughter have kitsune blood in them, so he finally warmed up to me." Stretching, Naruto said. "Well, I'm going to bed now, see you in the morning."

888888

Ayame Ichiraku was bored, and had been for several years. Ever since her sunshine had been banished from Konoha, the village just seemed dull. Sure, she enjoyed her job, and people that looked up to Naruto had tried to keep his memory alive, and she admitted the pranks were amusing, but they still didn't fill the void left by the young Genin. As the last customer sat slowly eating a large bowl of miso, he continued to give her uncomfortable leers. What made it worse, was that the man had the audacity to sit in Naruto's seat; a stool that had gone empty since the day Naruto had left. Everyone who ate at the restaurant knew that was Naruto's seat, and that it was off limits. Yet this man just sat there, eating slowly, looking at her like he wanted to devour her.

Now Ayame Ichiraku was a beautiful woman. She knew this, and it was rather obvious by the many male customers that frequented the small stand. She'd even been compared to women like Kurenai Yuuhi and Hinata Hyuuga- often called the median between the two- many times over the years. The man who was sitting at the counter, and in Naruto's seat at that, was starting to make her feel very dirty from the looks he kept sending her way. She could tell that the man was a shinobi just from the way he carried himself, and knew she wouldn't be able to fight him if he tried something. It was then that the man did something surprising. He gave her a very familiar foxy grin. Bringing her hands up in a familiar handsign, she brought forth some chakra for one of the few basic jutsu she could perform- being an Academy drop out did have some advantages.

"Kai." She called, and watched as the Henge disappeared. When that happened, she gave a loud gasp, and breathily asked. "N-Naruto?" The blond sitting before her smiled.

"Hey, Ayame-chan, delicious as always." Naruto said, giving the woman a seductive look. She couldn't tell if he was referring to her or the ramen, but at that moment she didn't care. The looks that had before made her feel dirty, were now making her feel rather naughty. "How about you close down the shop for the day, and we go make our own special kind of ramen broth." Ayame blushed heavily at that statement, but couldn't deny the desire she had to accept the offer. Making a swift decision, she hung up her apron, sent the cook home, and closed the shop for the day. Taking Naruto by the hand, she pulled him to her home.

Ayame unlocked and opened her door, pulled Naruto in, then shut and locked her door; all with her lips glued to Naruto's. She didn't break the kiss for a second, as she began trying to divest him of his clothing. First was his jacket, which was discarded on the floor. Next came her blouse, also left discarded. As they made their way to her bedroom, clothing was left forming a trail from her front door to her bed. When the pair finally reached the brunettes sleeping quarters, they were down to their undergarments; Naruto in just his boxers, and Ayame in just panties. Finally the two broke apart, and gave each other a good look.

Ayame had grown from the slightly curvy teen she'd been, into voluptuous woman; complete with slim flaring hips, a slim waist. Her breasts, which were easily in the upper C-cup range, were capped with small nipples that were currently hard as steel. The first thing that Ayame noticed, was that Naruto had grown a lot, and not just in height. Where once there had been toned muscle, there was now centimeter after centimeter of definition. While still wiry, you could trace and outline each muscle in his arms, chest, and abdomen; and the ramen mistress fully intended to. There was however, something that she was even more interested in at the moment. Eyes trailing down, she took in the large, and painfully obvious bulge in his boxers; one that ran nearly the entire length of cloth down his thigh.

Stepping back into him, Ayame wrapped her arms around his neck, and pulled him into another steamy kiss. Naruto reciprocated, wrapping his around her waist, and pulling her flush against him. As warm flesh touched warm flesh, Naruto could feel Ayame's hard nipples rubbing his chest, and Ayame could feel his erection pressing into her thigh. Naruto's hands slid down to squeeze Ayame's pert rear, as he scooped her, and laid her on the bed.

Lips finally vacating hers, Naruto began to kiss and suck her throat, occasionally nipping her pulse point with his elongated canines. Never one to sit idle, Ayame's hand slid down to cup Naruto, and stroke him through his boxers. Naruto's moans, stifled by her throat, vibrated against her neck, adding to the sensations. Naruto's lips began moving again, this time down to the cleavage of her breasts, where he planted soft kisses before raising his head marvel her twin peaks. His gaze eventually drifted to the hardened pink tips that just demanded his attention. Naruto licked his lips, wondering just what Ayame would taste like. Deciding not to wait any longer to find out, he dipped his head, and took one into his mouth.

A soft cry erupted from her lips when he suckled the hard peak. He licked around the areola, before moving to the other, which he pulled with his teeth. Ayame's cry was louder this time, as the slight pain sent ripples of pleasure up and down her spine. As Naruto lovingly abused Ayame's breasts, her body felt like it was on fire with desire and need; a need to be taken, a need to be claimed fully by the man above her. She gave a mewl of disappointment when his lips, and teeth, left her breasts, but gasped when she felt his start kissing her lower. Naruto gently nipped and nibbled his way down her torso, leaving pale pink marks down her firm belly that made her tremble with pleasure. Finally reaching his destination, Ayame flushed slightly when she saw Naruto inhale deeply.

Naruto could feel his blood boiling, the heady scent wafting from between Ayame's legs screaming out a primal instinct to claim and mate this female. He purred as he brushed lips against hers, just barely licking, as if to sample his treat. Deciding it was something he liked, almost as much as ramen, he began giving her much firmer licks, relishing the moans that came from his lover. Naruto's nipping gently at Ayame's arousal swollen labia was torturously pleasant, in that it was the most amazing pleasure she'd felt to date, yet it wasn't enough to even start pushing her towards a climax. Having done this before, he knew this very well.

"Don't tease, Naruto-kun." Ayame whimpered, when Naruto began giving her petals the gentle, teasing nips. Naruto gave her a few more playful nips, before seeking the answer to an inquiry.

"Are you sure?" He asked, mirth in his voice, and warm breath ghosting over her soaked lips. With a mischievous grin that would have done a certain fox proud, Naruto made a pair of handseals; one very familiar, and the other to change it to one of its many variations. Nearly inaudibly, Naruto muttered.

"Kouzetsu Kage Bunshin!" Ayame let out a loud squeal, as what was once one tongue licking her to mush, suddenly became two; one flicking and rubbing her clitoris, and the other probing her deeply. Naruto dove in hungrily, moving to claim that sweet and tangy taste that he found so delicious.

Once Naruto really got going, it didn't take long for Ayame's body to start rushing towards climax. Her cries of pleasure picked up, and her body began to tingle with the anticipation of what was to come. Suddenly, and quite forcefully, it hit, knocking her breath from her like a blow she'd taken in the Academy once. Her back arched high off the bed, bent like a bow, a silent scream tearing from her throat due to lack of air. Ayame convulsed with pleasure while Naruto's amazing tongues gently brought her back down from the sky. Naruto kissed his way back up her body, pausing only to draw a mewl from her when he nipped both of her orgasm sensitive nipples. Naruto's lips claimed hers once again, and she could taste herself on the man's tongue. Reaching down, she lined his head up to her flooded opening, and began to slide him in. Just as Naruto's cock was about to fully enter her, Ayame found herself unwantedly awake.

Ayame shot up in bed, and groaned at the loud blaring of her alarm clock. As awareness returned to her, she found herself sitting in a large wet-spot. Pulling back the covers, she found the entire pelvic region of her nightie was soaked.

"Grr, not again." She sighed, but then paused. It had been almost two years since she'd had a dream like this, and usually they accompanied news of Naruto- though admittedly they weren't usually so messy as to require a change or more than panties. The beautiful brunette could only wonder what this meant as she stepped into the shower.

888

Meanwhile, half a mile away, Naruto could see the looming gates of Konoha rapidly approaching.

'_Konoha, it's been awhile._' Naruto thought. '_I wonder if Ichiraku is still around._' Almost as if he was reading his thoughts, Kakashi spoke up.

"Hey Naruto, how about I treat you to some ramen later?" The Jounin asked. "Oni's ramen is decent, but they've got nothing on Ichiraku Ramen." For the first time since they started back to the village, Naruto was looking forward to the visit.

888

There you are, some Miso Delight, and now a few explanations. Wasn't going to put that Ayame part at the end, but a few of people have been wondering when she'd show up, so I decided to through them a bone(r).

Kouzetsu Kage Bunshin no Jutsu- Tongue Shadow Clone Technique

1. MI- Mischief Intent

2. I'm making one yen equal the same as one dollar, so that I don't have to sit around doing exchange rates.

3. Yes, I'm referring to Inuyasha's dad here.

Also, for those wondering why I chose to use demons from Inuyasha, the answer is simple...they fit. If you look at it, and go with my explanation on bloodlines, many of the demons from Inuyasha fit the bill. For example:

Aburame- The spider dude from the anime

Akimichi- Magatsuhi

Hyuugaor Ranmaru- Kanna

Inuzuka- Sesshomaru or Inuyasha

Kaguya- damn near any demon, since their bones made good weapons

Kamizuru- same as Aburame

Kedouin- Hachi

Kurama- Shippo

Nara- Yura (crazy hair bitch)

Sakon and Ukon- Juromaru and Kageromaru

Uchiha- Naraku and Hakudoshi (only someone that evil could create such a bloodline)

Yamanaka- Akago (Naraku's heart)

Some of these are embellished a bit, and others are a small stretch, but you can easily see the comparisons in most. Now those of you that are more familiar with Inuyasha will probably know others that better fit, but you get the idea. For those like me who aren't as informed, just look up the characters. Don't worry, this is the only Inuyasha reference I'll be making, and they won't have very much impact on the story.

I know this is random, but after reading the last few chapters of Naruto, I think there's only two people that could actually beat Naruto now: Madara and possibly Kiraa Bii. If you think there are others, I'd like to know who you think, and why.


	4. Adoption

I'm sorry to say this, but I'm putting this up for adoption. I've tried writing on it, but it's always seemed forced, and anything that I try to force I tend to become bored with. Not only that, but after rereading it, and really not being able to figure out what I wanted to do with this, well, I just figured someone else might be able to do more with it than I can.

If you'd like, I can give you the few notes that I did have for this.

This is a list of who has expressed an interest in continuing this story so far

UMMX

DarkFox2

Zorack93

IfakeoutI

AlysiaStorms


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